Disclaimer: They are not mine, they are NOT mine, they are SO not mine! Sigh.
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Lady T for filling in for me, for putting up with my oddities and for going above and beyond the call of duty. The girl is a saint! ; )
I gave the conversation a lot of thought and I struggled with my feelings of loss and betrayal. Thomas had meant for us to be together, and I had known that, but for some reason it still felt wrong to want someone else.
I am ashamed to say that I avoided him for some time, and it was a week later when he offered to chop and stack firewood for me that I had to face the inevitable.
Winter was going to be upon us quickly and chopping and hauling firewood was not something I was particularly fond of doing. I accepted his offer gratefully and it was not until the evening before he was coming that I realized that he would be outside my house all day working for me and I would almost definitely have occasion to speak to him.
I fretted about it in bed that night, my stomach fluttering with anxiety. I remembered the day that he had kissed me and I tried to recall exactly how it had felt. I knew that I had responded to him and I assumed that meant that I had enjoyed it.
It was difficult making the decision whether or not to leave the house and move to a new city. Joseph was my friend and that would help, of course, but I would be leaving the house that was filled with my memories of Thomas and I was not sure if I was prepared to do that.
I certainly did not wish to ruin a good opportunity for Joseph, either. It was a dilemma, and I decided that by the end of the next day I would have an answer for him. It was not fair to keep him waiting any longer.
The morning came and it was a crisp clear Autumn day, beautiful and filled with the colors and smells of Fall. I arose early and baked cinnamon rolls and an apple pie. The house was soon filled with delicious smells and when I opened the door to his knock, Joseph's eyes lit up eagerly as he breathed them in deeply.
I protested as he laughed and brushed past me, making a beeline for the kitchen, and I giggled and struck him on the wrist as he reached for the pie.
"That is for later," I said, laughing as I handed him a warm, icing covered cinnamon roll. He rolled his eyes and bit into it heartily, moaning and complimenting me endlessly on my cooking. I watched him as he ate, smiling and reveling in the warmth and friendship he brought to my life.
He was handsome and very masculine in his work clothes. The sleeves of his thick cotton shirt were rolled up to just above his elbows, revealing strong and well-muscled arms. I had never had occasion to see him in anything but a suit and I was surprised and impressed with what I saw. It had been almost four months and my body reacted warmly to him as I watched him.
Eventually he finished eating and thanked me kindly before he went out to begin working. The huge branch that had broken the last night I was with Thomas was still in the front yard and he started there.
I worked in the kitchen preparing his dinner and supper most of the day, but I took the occasional stroll into the front of the house to watch him work.
When dinner was prepared, I took an old quilt outside to lie out for a picnic. The sky was a beautiful, clear blue and the sun was warm. Joseph had removed his shirt and was splitting wood across the yard from me. His back was to me and he had not noticed me come out so I took the chance to get a closer look at his body.
He was leaner than Thomas, and several inches taller. His build was also very muscular but in a different way. He was lithe and narrow-waisted. His suspenders were now hanging at his sides and his trousers had slipped very low on his waist and I licked my lips as I stood wondering what he looked like just a little lower.
He turned, as if sensing my presence, and my eyes remained where they were, shocked to see what his low riding trouser revealed in the front. The muscles of his abdomen were beautifully cut, and the two that began at his sides particularly caught my attention as they seemed to slip down his front and point directly down toward... my face flushed red with shame as I gasped and looked up quickly.
He was standing with his hands on his hips smiling and, when I looked into his eyes, he grinned wickedly and winked at me. I stamped my foot and had to force myself not to stick my tongue out at him like a child. He had caught me and there was no way out of it. I tossed my head, turned my back to him and shook out the quilt to lay it on the ground.
As I walked back to the house, he met me at the porch. "Do you mind if I wash up before we eat?" he asked politely. I tried to avoid looking lower than his eyes as I told him that would be fine.
I had a washbasin in the kitchen and I set him up there and went about the task of taking dinner outside. When he came out, he had his shirt on again, but it was hanging loose and unbuttoned down the front. I was well aware that it was for my benefit, as I knew that he was extremely well mannered and would never have thought to come to dinner half dressed in any other circumstance. I was grateful that he had chosen to put it on at all.
He made himself comfortable on the quilt next to me and commented over and over how wonderful everything looked and tasted as we ate. He was kind and very easy to please. He seemed to enjoy even the slightest thing immensely and nothing escaped his notice. It was obvious that he was very sincere and I enjoyed our first meal together very much.
I inquired about his family and his eyes lit up with affection as he told me about his parents, and then each of his siblings in the order of their age. My heart warmed as I listened to his laughter, his kind remarks and noted the pleasure with which he recounted the stories of their past. A small tingle of guilt rushed through me as I saw his eyes change when he told me how much he missed them.
When he had finished eating, he lay back on the quilt, locking his fingers behind his head and closing his eyes. His shirt fell open, exposing his body to me and mine reacted strongly to the sight of his naked skin. I lay down very carefully next to him, not wanting to interrupt his rest. My eyes moved over him longingly and when they reached his face I gasped when I saw that he was watching me, his eyes dark with need.
I did not move away and we regarded each other there for some time, both breathing heavily and wanting much more than we were willing to say. When I could stand it no more, I broke the silence. "Do you mind if I touch you?" I asked nervously, barely above a whisper.
He closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed. When he opened them the desire in them was almost overwhelming, "Please touch me," he whispered back.
I moved my hand over him lightly, feeling the soft texture of his tanned skin and the hard muscles beneath it. He had a lot less hair than Thomas and it was much softer, and light brown instead of black. He was very patient as I explored his chest and abdomen with my curious fingers.
I moved his shirt to the side a bit and moved under it up his arm, to the strong muscle that I had noticed there earlier that morning. He moaned softly as I ran my fingers over it gently, enjoying the contrasts of its rounded softness and hardness. When I was satisfied, he looked up into my eyes.
"May I touch YOU?" he asked hoarsely. I nodded nervously and lay back slowly on the quilt as he moved to lean up on his elbow next to me. He motioned for me to lift my head and as I did, he slid a hand under it, cradling my head while his other hand began touching me softly on the arm.
I closed my eyes as his hand slid up my arm, feeling the softness of my skin. He was breathing very hard, and so was I as he brought my hand to rest against his chest while he continued touching me. His hand moved, trembling, to lie lightly on my stomach and he did not move it until I gave him permission with my eyes.
He swallowed and licked his lips as he spread his fingers and moved his hand lightly across the expanse of my waist. He was careful not to touch my breasts, but lifted his hand over them and brought it to rest on my exposed neck. He trailed his fingers lightly across it, letting them slide low enough to just barely touch the hollow between my breasts.
I shivered and he smiled, moving his hand slowly up to my face. As his shaking fingers explored every curve and angle of my face, I studied his. His hair was darker brown underneath and lighter, almost blond on the curls at the very top. I wondered if it turned completely brown in the winter months.
His eyes were darker than usual, as they were filled with the desire that our hands were invoking, and they were beautiful. He was such a pleasant man, and I recalled how his eyes looked when he was laughing. They twinkled with delight and almost disappeared with his broad grin. I smiled as I thought of that and he smiled too.
I frowned and reached up to touch his face. He had shaved that morning and it was very soft and smooth. He was so handsome. I tried to remember what it had been like to kiss him and my fingers rested on his lips as I struggled to bring the image to mind. I had been so confused that day, and it was no use trying to bring it back.
When I looked back at his eyes, I saw that they were completely focused on my lips and I licked them slowly and whispered, "Kiss me, Joseph," my eyes daring him to arouse me.
He groaned and bent over me hungrily, his lips capturing mine and invoking a response almost immediately. His hand under my head pulled me closer and his other hand moved behind my back, drawing me up into his embrace as he opened my mouth with his and moved his tongue cautiously inside.
I did not protest, so he began exploring my mouth carefully, moaning and drawing a hungry response back from my tongue. His mouth was hot and strong and I had missed those feelings so badly. I returned his kiss gratefully as my body warmed beneath him, filling slowly with the familiar ache of need that I had dared him to produce.
We kissed for a long time, neither of us quite ready to take it any further. When our initial need was satisfied, he drew away from me slowly, his eyes heavy with desire. "There now, was that so bad?" he whispered hoarsely in my ear.
A welcome chill ran through my body as I shook my head no and smiled.
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