Disclaimer: They are not mine, they are NOT mine, they are SO not mine! Sigh.
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Lady T for filling in for me, for putting up with my oddities and for going above and beyond the call of duty. The girl is a saint! ; )
"How am I... Where," his voice broke as he continued rocking and refused to look up at me. "Where will I EVER find the strength to walk out of this room and leave you?" A terrible sob tore loose from his throat as I drew his hands away from his face, opening his arms and enveloping him in my embrace.
I could not hold back the flood of my own tears as I held him and he moved to kneel with me as we sought to comfort each other, holding on tightly and sobbing desperately against one another. We cried and cried until I thought surely our hearts would break with the anguish that filled them.
His pain nearly killed me, but I took comfort in the fact that his leaving would hurt him as much as it did me, and I knew for certain then that he did not have a choice. He could not stay with me, it was beyond his control and I did not need to know why. It was enough to know that it was true.
I opened my heart to the pain and let it flow through me. I would never see him again, never touch him or feel his warm hands touching me. I would never again know the taste of his lips. I groaned deeply as I realized that he was still with me, and that we still had this moment.
I was immediately filled with a desperate need and I pressed my body against him, moaning and finding his mouth through our salty tears. He groaned and opened his mouth to me, eagerly taking the passion that I offered, taking comfort in the warmth of my tongue and the soothing movements of my hands over his body.
He, too, immediately became aroused and he moved his hands to my lower back, drawing me in to him, pressing his hardness into my burning abdomen. Our bodies melted together as if one as we sought to cover the pain with the sweet, hot passion that we had grown so used to in such a short time.
Suddenly, and without warning he pulled himself roughly from my grasp and sat back onto his legs.
"I cannot do this, we cannot do this again..." he muttered hoarsely, shaking his head.
"Why not, Thomas? We still have what is left of this night."
He shook his head, closing his eyes in an attempt to regain control of himself. He muttered softly to himself as he shook his head from side to side. "I should never have touched her, made love to her... I had no right to take her..."
I cried out in protest and he opened his eyes. "Everything you have taken I have freely offered you! You have never asked for anything that I was not eager to give."
He was still shaking his head. "I am taking things that belong to -- to another man. They were never mine to take, and I can not take any more."
"My body and my touch are mine to give," I argued. "They do not belong to anyone but me." I struggled to find the words to make him understand. "The part of me that I offered to you was for YOU and no one else.
You took what I offered and that was not wrong of you. You MUST believe me!"
I took his face in my hands desperately and he nodded. I sighed in relief and continued. "I know in my heart that after you are gone, I will never find a man to equal you... I have given a large part of my heart to you, and it will always be yours. When I do finally open my heart to another man, he will only fill the part that is left. What is yours will always belong to you and you alone."
He moaned and nodded his face in my hands and I leaned in and recaptured his lips with mine. I kissed him softly, still sensing hesitation. When his need grew stronger, I murmured against his lips. "Tonight, my body belongs to you." He groaned and pulled me close, moving his tongue deeply into my mouth, exploring and tasting, taking what I was offering and committing everything to memory.
He snaked one of his hands down between us and pressed his fingers up into me and slowly and tortuously kissed me as he rubbed and caressed me into a near state of oblivion. He knew exactly how to play my body and I breathed in his scent and drank in his kisses as I gave myself to him completely.
When I was gasping and moaning his name, he drew me up onto his lap and rocked his hardness up into my trembling, aching body tenderly. I let his strong arms guide me as he lifted and lowered me onto himself, rocking up into me in a gentle rhythm that was so hot and slow that I thought I would pass out before I finally came.
When I finally did, he came with me and we washed together over the edge of bliss, connected in a bittersweet union that neither of us would ever forget.
We fell back into the bed and lay holding each other for a long, long time, neither of us wanting to give in to sleep, knowing the inevitable end that morning would bring. Moments before I was gone, I spoke softly. "I will never, ever forget you, Thomas... I promise."
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