The pup whined from across the room, and Ari went to check on it, grateful for the diversion. He was vomiting again." He looks weaker," she said sadly.
"Maybe it's just takin' a while for the medications to work." Logan answered.
They cleaned the cage in silence, neither of them wanting to admit the truth. The wolf was dying.
When they had finished and washed their hands, they made up their beds for the night, on the couches. Ari finished first, and she stretched and said, "I'm 'gonna go up and take a shower and get ready for bed. Is there anything you need before I go?"
Logan shook his head, trying to shut out the mental pictures of her taking a shower. When she had gone up, he finished and stretched out on his couch, thankful to have some time alone to contemplate his long, eventful day. He felt so tired that he closed his eyes and was asleep in minutes.
Ari was having a difficult time upstairs. She generally slept nude; clothes made her claustrophobic when she tossed and turned in bed. She chose some of her father's old clothes for comfort. She put on a pair of flannel boxers, that she had sewn to fit her. She hated the thought of wearing a bra to bed, but had decided that walking around bra-less in front of Logan probably wasn't a good idea, so she chose a soft sport bra. Next she picked a tank tee shirt that wouldn't constrict her movement much during the night. On top, she added one of her favorite old flannel shirts that she usually wore around the house when she was cleaning. Her father had been a big man, and the sleeves hung down almost to the tips of her fingers. She put on old gray cotton hunting socks, that gathered down softly around her ankles. She looked at herself in the mirror. She thought she looked pretty safe. She took a deep breath and headed downstairs. On her way down, she realized that she'd completely forgotten to do anything about her hair. She had put it up in a loose pony-tail in the shower, and half-wet curls were hanging out all over. She had her arms up, trying to put some of them back in when she asked, without looking down "Logan, would you mind checking on the fire when you get up later?"
He took a quick, deep breath in, and asked....."What?" He had been sound asleep; he squinted his eyes and looked up at her, trying to get his bearings. He licked his lips and sat up, looking around the room blinking, with a dazed look on his face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were asleep. I'm sorry I woke you up."
He put his hand up, shaking his head and gesturing for her to stop apologizing. "It's okay... I just fell asleep for a few minutes...I don't know why I'm so tired... I feel strange... kind of dizzy." He was sitting, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, his head resting in hands. She walked toward him, concerned.
Into his field of vision walked two soft, loosely socked feet... then two smooth, very sexy legs... His breath caught sharply. His eyes trailed up her legs slowly, as he put his hands down, away from his face. A pair of men's loose boxer shorts came next - Grrrr - followed by a hint of a nice tight tank top covered by a soft old men's flannel shirt. His eyes moved up to her hair, that she still had her hands buried in, trying to get under control. It was mostly gathered up on top of her head, but loose, damp curls escaped softly around her beautiful long neck.
"Don't..".he whispered, "....It looks pretty like it is."
Her face reddened deeply as she snatched her hands away from her hair. "Thank you." she said softly.
"I thought you said you'd never had a man over." He sad quietly, motioning to her clothes, smiling, one eyebrow raised in question.
"I ... I... these were my Dad's clothes," she managed to squeak out.
"Mm..." he nodded, smiling. Then he looked up frowning..."Were?"
A sad, lonely look came over her face, and she sighed and sat down on her couch. "My Dad died seven years ago" she said quietly. She leaned back against her pillows and drew her knees up under her chin, hugging her legs with her arms. "I couldn't bear getting rid of these clothes." She fingered the sleeves of the shirt and then brought them up to her lips. She closed her fists tightly around the fabric of the sleeves, took a deep breath, smelling the shirt with closed eyes, and then kissed it softly. "I miss him so much."
"I'm sorry." Logan said softly.
"Thanks." Ari rubbed the soft cotton fabric against her face. "He always wore flannel... like you're wearing..." she looked over at him. " I always thought it was so soft. Of course, they've long since stopped smelling like him, but when I close my eyes.... I can still remember his smell." She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply again. "He smoked, too... like you... but he smoked a pipe. I miss the different smells of his tobacco. Strange, isn't it, that I miss the smells most of all?"
"It's not strange to me... smell is one of our strongest senses.... at least, I know it's one of mine."
"Mmm... Mine too."
"How did he die, Ari? How old were you?"
"One of the packs of wolves that lived at the far edge of the preserve was in trouble. A volunteer had come across two of them... they'd been shot. My Dad and three other volunteers went to check on the rest of the pack. They never returned. There was a blizzard that night, and nobody could get to the area. Their bodies weren't even recovered until a few months later. They had all been shot at point-blank range.... I was 21 years old."
"Damn."
"Yeah... "
" I saw your pictures... It was obvious he loved you a lot."
" Yeah, he was the best Dad anyone ever had. He was my Dad, but he was my best friend, too, ya' know? We lived here all my life and after he died, I started going through his things...sorting them out...trying to figure out which things I could live without. It took me years to let go of most of it. As you can see, I've still got quite a bit of him here..." she said, looking around the room.
"Mmm... but the things you've kept are part of YOU, too. Nobody'd expect you to get rid of all of it."
She nodded. "You're right..... I've never thought about it that way... I always felt like I was hanging onto him too much, but he was part of me, and I guess that part will never be gone, will it?"
"Not as long as you're here, Darlin'."
She looked over at him and nodded. She mouthed "Thank you," chin trembling, a lone tear rolling down her cheek. When their eyes met, they both knew that something had changed. There was a closeness, a kinship hanging in the air between them. It was almost tangible, and they both felt it. They understood each other.
Logan let her sit quietly for a few minutes, thinking...then he asked, "What about your mother? I didn't see any pictures of her."
The change in her was immediate. She sniffed, wiped the tears from her eyes, and sat up stiffly. Her words came out like bitter acid." My mother never deserved my father." Logan's eyebrows raised in surprise. "They met when he was in the US, at college. His family had money, and she loved money. 'Only, she didn't get to know him at all before she married him... that was her big mistake."
She looked around the room, "He wanted this," she said gesturing around the cabin. "He became a veterinarian, something that always irked her, and brought her up here. She hated it here. She hated everything about it. She wanted people and parties and shopping... everything you can't get here. My father was stubborn, and he kept telling her she'd get used to it... it was useless....... " she looked up at Logan, "of course, all of this went on before I was born. He told me about her when I was older....when I was old enough to understand.... She eventually got bitter, and started hating him. They were so different, they had nothing in common, and she couldn't comprehend what a wonderful man he was. She couldn't see it. He convinced her that having a baby might fill the void, so she got pregnant. Ha! That's such an ironic joke! What she ended up with was me... a little girl version of him... an exact duplicate of everything she hated about him. I was only three years old when she realized that we were exactly alike... we were growing closer every day... and she was more and more the outsider. She left us, and neither of us ever heard from her again."
"Jesus!"
" Yeah, that's great, isn't it?" she said sarcastically. She sniffed again, folding her arms defiantly under her breasts. "I told myself I would never get married. I would never EVER let anyone hurt me like she hurt my father. I love this life he chose! How could anyone hate him? He was wonderful, and she HATED him... You acted like you didn't believe I've never had a man over, that I've never let a man touch me... Do you believe me now? She taught me never to trust anyone....and I've never forgotten it. I've never let anyone get close to me"..............she paused, looking away ...."until today," she whispered.
Logan didn't know how to answer. He definitely understood ... not being understood...and he knew what it felt like to decide you wanted to be alone. It was easier alone. He wanted to comfort her, but he had promised he wouldn't make any moves toward her unless she asked him to. All he could think to say was... "I'm sorry."
She shrugged it off indifferently, "Thanks, but I'm ok. ... I'm gettin' pretty tired, mind if we call it a night?"
Logan knew she was far from okay, but he was good at pretending he was fine most of the time, too, so he decided to let her off the hook. "Yeah, I'm tired too." he said, stretching out luxuriously on his couch. He still felt poorly. Hot, and tired... weak. It was late.
Ari got up and threw a few more logs on the fire, and started turning out lights. "Oh, that's what I was trying to ask you earlier... when you get up, will you throw a few logs on the fire, if it's getting low?"
"Sure. You 'gonna let me get up first?"
"Sure" she said, setting a small alarm clock. "I'll set it for one hour because that bottle has about an hour's worth left in it, Okay?" She walked over to her couch, turned her back to him and took off her flannel shirt, revealing the tank top and sport bra underneath.
"Alright." He was already half asleep, but he couldn't resist turning and watching her crawl into her covers.
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