Desparado
Oh no you aint gettin' younger,
Your pain and your hunger they're drivin' you home.
and freedom? Oo-oh, freedom!
now that's just ..some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone.
The Eagles - Greatest Hits Album
Logan growled, rolled his eyes and switched off the radio; abruptly ending the song. Shit like that always got him thinkin' and thinkin' too much was a mistake.
He took out a cigar and lit it. He took a long, comforting drag on it.
Marie had been his first mistake letting that kid get to him had started it all. Before her he'd been living the way he shouldfor nobody but himself. It wasn't very noble, but it hurt a Hell of a lot less. He smiled fondly, thinking of her, and fingered his dog tags. She had given them back, reluctantly, when he returned 6 months ago. He had stayed away for a year and a half. He had missed everyone, and his search in Canada hadn't given up squat, so he'd gone back to check on Marie, give Cyke his bike back and, of course, say 'Hi' to Jeannie.
Things had changed a lot since he'd been gone. Marie had made a lot of real good friends and was doing well . She even had a boyfriendsome Cajun geek with a stupid name. He scowled. (He couldn't remember it, and he didn't give a shit, either.)
She had come to his room to see him, and hugged him hard for a long time. Then she slowly took off his tags and placed them in his hands, the way he had given them to her. She'd looked up into his eyes and, with trembling lips, thanked him for coming back, -said she'd almost decided he wasn't going to. She said she was getting along real well on her own and that she wouldn't hold him to his promise to take care of her anymore because a lot of other people in her life were doing a great job of that now. That hurt bad and that had surprised him. When he thought about it later, he realized that the promise he had made her had given him some kind of anchor a reason to BE. There had been someone out there who needed him and who gave a shit where he was and what he was doingwhich, in itself, was completely selfish.he growled. Everything he did was selfish.
That had been the first blow, but it wasn't the worst. Jeannie had actually married that dipshit, Scott Summers and they even seemed to be happy. He certainly never understood the attraction. She was way too much woman for that guy. Maybe he had never really known her none of it made any sense.
He had stayed for a short visit, but it was too hard to be there. When he was in Canada, it had seemed like the school was his real home, and that he was going to go back 'home' some day but when he got there, it didn't feel the same and he realized he was alone in the world again. So he left
And here he was AGAIN in Canada! It was colder than shit and his mood was as bad as the weather. It was almost springtime, and he knew that back in New York, the days were probably starting to get warm. Here it was still cold, and dark gray and miserablejust like he felt. He had been wandering around here, rather aimlessly, for the last 6 months, and still had no real leads. He was high up into the really rugged areas of the country, and the towns were getting fewer and farther between. He spent a lot of his time gathering information from town halls and tourist attractions (as if anybody really wanted to come HERE for a vacation) and reading a lot of local paperslooking for anything that sounded familiar or brought back any memories. He glanced over at the pile next to him and frowned. He had stacks of papers and information, but none of it was really producing any results.
It was time to make some sort of a decision to figure out what the Hell he was going to do with the rest of his life. He had already decided that he was going to be alone. He was a crusty, mean, old selfish bastard and he didn't want to be stuck with anyone and he pitied any woman that ever had the misfortune of getting stuck with him, too. He smiled and raised his eyebrows at that thought. Hell, they'd be the most miserable couple in the world. Him, because he was always miserable, and her, simply because she stuck was with him. Of course, he still had his carnal urges to contend with, but he knew he could get his needs met without having to commit to anyone. He always seemed to be able to find women who needed it as bad as he did, sometimes more. Nah! He chuckled.
His stomach growled, interrupting his thoughts. It was lunch-time and he was getting hungry. He hadn't had anything to eat yet that day. He had left some hole-in-the-wall no-name town this morning, to drive to another one just like it. He pulled his truck in to the gravel parking lot of a seedy-looking cafÈ.
Logan loved his truck. The Professor had given it to him. He had admired it in the garage that first day when he had been shown around the school. It was a 1976 Chevy Step-side pickup. Black, real clean, and a nice beefy sound to it, too. When he gave Cyke his bike back, the Professor had offered it to him. He'd said that a bike was "not appropriate" for Canada in the winter, and it was just sitting there unused anyway. Logan had accepted it, gladly, even though he knew that the Professor figured it would be something to tie him to the school to make him think he should come back some day. He was probably right. Logan genuinely liked Professor Xavier and he figured he probably would check up on him every now and then. You know, just to make sure they were all doin' okay. The Professor had paid him, too. Logan refused to accept it, at first, but Xavier had insisted, assuring him that he had worked for him and he deserved it. He offered Logan a position any time he wanted one. Later, when Logan saw how much the Professor had given him, he couldn't believe it... it was a LOT of money, but he didn't want to go back, so he'd kept it, reluctantly. The money had allowed him to search in Canada all these months without working on the side, which he'd really appreciated.
As soon as he stepped out of the truck, he sensed that there was something wrong. He could smell it. His eyes glanced about quickly and he sniffed the air, poised, ready. He closed the door quietly, and followed a scent of fear and pain around the back to an alley. When he turned the corner, the full force of the loneliness, fear and suffering hit him. He could feel it. He wasn't quite sure how, he usually didn't FEEL things like that but it was there. To his surprise, all he saw was a group of shabbily dresses teenagers, smoking cigarettes and messing around with each other. One boy had something in his hands, and he was shoving it at the other kids roughly. Logan could see, as he got closer, that it was a small pup. The boy took it by the back of the neck and ran at one of the girls, growling. He said " It's a real wolf it's gonna' bite ya'! You're 'gonna become a werewolf!"
She screamed and the wolf pup squealed and wriggled, trying to free itself. It turned its' head around and bit into the boy's hand with needle sharp teeth. "Aaaah!" The boy lost his hold, and the pup fell to the gravel with a cry of pain. " I'm 'gonna kick the shit outa' you for that, you little!"
"Get away from it."
The kids wheeled around to face him. When the boy with the pup saw it was only one man, he sneered and told Logan that it was his wolf, he found it, and Logan could put it where the sun don't shine. He walked toward him menacingly, laughing. Logan took a long drag on his cigar, dropped it and SNIKT!, unleashed the claws from one of his hands, and exhaled. Through a cloud of smoke, fierce eyes under a deeply furrowed brow came up to meet the boy's shocked face. Logan bared his teeth and said it again, quietly.
"I said, Walk away from it, Bub. NOW!"
One of the girls squealed, and two of them took off. The rest of the kids started backing up slowly then, finally, turned and fled.
SNIKT. Logan walked over to the poor creature.-Shit!- It was so weak that it didn't stand for more than a few seconds. It sat down on shaky legs, wide-eyed and whining softly. Logan picked it up gently and walked back to his truck. He had to leave quickly, seeing as how he'd had to show his claws. He hated it when he had to do that well, for no good reason anyway. He decided maybe this was a good enough reason but he WAS really hungry. He opened his inner denim jacket and snuggled the pup inside, then buttoned it up a few buttons.. He got in his truck and drove a few miles out of town before he opened it up to have a look at it.
The light blue, cloudy eyes of a pup too young to be away from its' mother eyed him from deep inside the jacket. It was medium gray in color and its' hair was still soft and very thick. Its' ears were still folded in a little, toward its' nose, not strong enough to stand straight up yet. He guessed it was not more than 6-8 weeks old. It shied back deeper into his coat, nervous, but more content in the dark. It was beginning to feel relaxed, next to the warmth of his body.
"What the Hell am I 'gonna do with you?" He asked it quietly. The pup cocked its' head and whined, backing even further into his coat. -Shit! So much for not lettin' anyone get to me and bein' ALONE! Damn! I must be gettin' soft.-
Logan drove for a while contemplating his next move. He thought he remembered reading an article about a wildlife preserve that had wolves living in it. He thought that it had mentioned a vet worked there that was working with the wolves in the area. Frowning furiously at himself, he started fingering through the stack of papers next to him as he drove. It didn't take too long to come to the right one. It was a brochure for the wildlife preserve he had remembered. He got out a map to see how far it was from his current location. Damn! It's a good couple of hours further North in the middle of freakin' NOWHERE!
Logan considered, and rejected, the idea of just stopping and leaving it by the road. Then he wondered if maybe he could locate someone closer. Just then, the pup started whining and wriggling. Logan could feel its' belly starting to convulse and he could tell it was going to vomit. He slammed his truck to a halt, and got out quick. He barely made it. No sooner had the pup's feet hit the ground, than it started vomiting. Logan watched the pup with pity, and softened up a little. It was helplessit was sick and afraid. He knew how it felt. He decided that he was going to try to help it live, if he could.
When he thought it was done vomiting, he took an old oil rag from behind his seat and wiped its' face. He could sense that it was starting to take comfort in his presence and it seemed relieved when he placed it gently back into his jacket. -Hmm!- He got in and started the long trip to the preserve.
He had to make frequent stops, between the vomiting and the diarrhea that started a few hours into the trip. The pup was getting weaker by the hour, and he rarely opened his eyes now except to vomit. Logan was really worried about him and about making it to the preserve before it closed. The road narrowed, but the snow was packed down good, and driving was not a problem. New snow was falling, and it looked, and smelled like it was going to snow for a long time.
As he got close he realized just how far from anything this place was. The country was beautiful and he could see that the wildlife flourished here. The scenery changed from woody to dense forest, and the snow-capped trees were a haven for animals. He saw more than a few deer, a coyote and a fox that crossed the road in right in front of him. It would have been a pretty enjoyable trip, if he hadn't been so worried about the wolf pup in his coat. He wondered if he should have tried to feed it or give it something to drink, but he thought for sure he remembered hearing that you shouldn't drink if you were vomiting a lot. He hoped he was right. He had never expected the trip to last this long.
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