Canadian Nights: The Story of What Oliver Saw Chapter 14 by Mo
Disclaimer: The X-Men and Alpha Flight belong to Marvel. The movie belongs to Fox. I do feel like Scott and Logan are a little bit mine since I've been borrowing them for so long.
Oh, God! I don't know what to do. Scott knocked on my door just now and I couldn't face him. I told him that I couldn't talk to him, that I would be downstairs later. Didn't even come up with an excuse or anything. He'll probably ask Jean-Paul. What will he tell him? What does he know? I just don't know what to say to him. I don't even know what I'm feeling.
Well, embarrassed, for sure. And mad - why was he lying to me? Only I think I know the answer to that one. Hell, I'd lie to me, too, if I was him. I wasn't exactly acting like somebody who could handle the truth. But why does that have to be the truth? Why does he have to be that way? I can't believe it. It's like in that poem - it's "all like a lurid dream". But it's not a dream, it's real. He's the one person I've met since I came into my powers that I really, really wanted to be like. The one grown up who I thought understood what's happening with me. And he made me feel like I'm okay, like I'm normal. But look who's talking.
Okay, backing up. It started out like such a good day. We had breakfast with Heather and Mac. Scott thanked them for putting us up at Alpha Flight headquarters and said that he thought their meetings had been fruitful. I told them I had enjoyed my day out and about and asked them to thank Walter again for showing me around Toronto.
Heather took us to the airport. She and Scott were talking about Northstar on the way. Scott said he'd heard that some of the Alpha Flight guys had given Jean-Paul a hard time when he came out, but that Heather and Mac had stood by him. And, okay, I was kind of seeing that could be a good thing. But I was still trying to understand it. And it felt like something I could talk about with them. So, I said to Heather, "But do you think it's fair to make other guys work with him? I mean, aren't they scared that he'll try something with them?"
And she laughed and said, "Only if they overestimate their own attractiveness, I think. You know, I work with heterosexual men all the time. I'm not scared of them. I don't assume they are all attracted to me just because they're attracted to some women. And, if they are, I assume they can control themselves." That gave me something to think about.
When we were on the plane, I brought what she said up with Scott. "Do you think she's right?" I asked. "Do you think gay guys can control themselves, just like I'm not jumping the bones of every cute girl in class?"
He laughed at that. "Well, I'm glad to hear you're not, Oliver. And, yes, I think it's fair to say that controlling sexual impulses has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Most people control themselves most of the time, don't you think? I would think that's true whether you're gay or straight."
"Yeah, well maybe I wasn't exactly in a position to meet lots of gay guys with self-control, if you know what I mean," I said to him. I meant it sort of sarcastically, but he said I had a good point, that I was meeting a pretty atypical - and not very praiseworthy - subset. And said again about girls who had been turning tricks not getting a really accurate picture of what straight guys are like. So I said that's why it was important that they have teachers like him. No matter how those girls are all fawning all over him he always treats them professionally. He never flirts with them, even, makes clear that he's not after any teenage girls. So if any of those girls with crushes on him were hookers before they can see that there are straight men who are different, who will treat them with respect. He really blushed at that - I didn't know if he was just embarrassed that I was saying nice stuff about him or if he thought I was hinting that he should tell me which of the girls at school had done sex trade before. But I wouldn't - I know it's none of my business.
So, anyway, he says that he realizes I'm not totally comfortable with this whole gay thing yet but that he expects me to treat Jean-Paul with respect, as a valuable and trusted colleague. And I tell him I will and he tells me that he knew he could count on me and he knows that Jean-Paul will treat me like that, too. And, really, I'm thinking more about being a colleague, being a member of the team than I am about this gay stuff, anyway. So, I figure that's good - just don't think about it. Think about the other stuff - the mission, my part in it.
And it was such a good trip, just me and Scott the whole plane ride and then driving from Regina to the place where they're building the center. It's near Prince Albert which is hours away from Regina and right out in the middle of nowhere. So, we're talking in the rental car the whole time - telling jokes, trading stories, singing along with the radio. And Scott told me he's really proud of how I'm adjusting and how I haven't been getting into fights any more. He said he really understands how hard it can be to come off the streets, that sometimes something can be really hard to do even though you want it more than anything. And I felt like he really did understand, like he was somebody who really knew what I'd been through. We were driving for almost four hours but the time just flew and before I know it we're pulling up this long drive and we're at a big, kind of ramshackle-looking house.
We stop the car and these two guys come out of the house to meet us. One of them comes right up to Scott and they greet and hug each other and they're talking in French together, so that's got to be Jean-Paul. The other one, Logan, just stands by the door of the house looking at us.
So then Scott and me, we walk over to the house and Scott says "Hi, Logan" and he says "Hi, Scott". He's a little different than I thought he'd be - not tall, not big really, but real strong-looking. And kind of wild-looking, kind of animal-like. "Oliver?" he says and I say "yes" and he shakes my hand, saying "X-ray eyes, right? Good. We need you." And then he looks at Scott and I could tell something was going on but I didn't know what. Thought maybe he was mad at him for something, just looking at him real hard and intense like that. Then he kind of jerks his head towards the house and turns around and goes in and Scott follows right after him, without a word, like a puppy or something. So, I'm standing out there not knowing what to do with myself and then Jean-Paul says he'll show me to my room.
It's a nice room, with a big window looking out at the woods out back. I was hoping I get to be here a long time - having my own room is great. Makes me remember my room back home. Back when I had a room and a home. Jean-Paul tells me he'll leave me to unpack and then he can show me around if I want. I asked him if I should wait for Scott and we could get a tour together and he just says, "Logan and Scott haven't seen each other for a while. Let's give them some time to catch up." So, he tells me he'll be downstairs in the living room and just come down whenever I'm ready.
Really, that's all I was going to do. I unpacked, looked at the books on the shelves a bit, thought a little more about being here and having my own room. Practiced with my eyes, just a bit, just to make sure I could still do it - looking in the desk and seeing the papers and stuff without opening the drawers. And then I walked out the door and was going to go down the stairs.
But I'm going down the hall to the stairs and I hear voices inside one room a ways down - Scott's voice and Logan's. And I couldn't hear words at first - I wasn't that close - but I could swear Scott's upset, even crying maybe. Something was wrong, I knew it, so I go right up to the door wondering what to do. And without really thinking about doing it I just looked through the door and the wall.
They were on the floor, Scott lying face down and Logan on top of him. Logan had him pinned down, had his hands over Scott's so he couldn't reach for his glasses and use his blasts, had his whole body on top of him, pushing him down. And he was fucking him. It took me a minute to realize that's what was happening - I couldn't believe it. He was raping him and that's what those sounds were, Scott trying to get away, trying to get help. And I just kind of stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do. I knew I had to rescue him somehow, but how? I didn't know what to do. Should I try to break in? Should I call Jean-Paul? So, I'm just standing there and I'm right outside the door now and I see Scott manage to raise his head just a bit, even though Logan's head is on top of his and holding him down. And I'm close so I can hear him when he talks and he just says one word but he says it loud and insistent: "Harder!"
Oh, God. I couldn't believe it at first. I thought I heard him wrong - thought maybe he had called my name, wanted me to rescue him. "Oliver" could sound a little like that. But then Logan starts fucking him harder and saying "Like this, Scott?" and Scott's saying "Oh, yes" and there's no mistaking that for a call to be rescued. And then I had to believe it. Just wished and wished it wasn't true.
So I'm just standing there, all shocked and embarrassed and upset and not knowing what to do now and I turn my head away from the door and Jean-Paul's there at the top of the stairs. Looking at me. Seeing me looking in. But he doesn't say anything about that and just says, calm as can be, "So, Oliver? Why don't we go downstairs now? I'll show you around." But I don't say anything and I don't move, just stand there outside of that room. So, he comes over to me and takes my arm to like get me to come with him and I just yell at him "Take your fucking hands off of me!" and run back into my room and shut the door.
And now I don't know what to do and what to say. I wish I never came here. I wish I never came to Xavier's, never met Scott. I don't want to think about any of this. But it's all I can think about.
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