The hot water cascading over Logan's head and shoulders did nothing to lessen the frustration and anger he felt inside. Frustration at the walls that had sprung up between Kiara and him. Anger towards the people who had laid the foundation for those walls... Rather than pursue her, Logan had climbed into the shower in an effort to give Kiara time to herself - in an effort to give himself the time to figure out what to do. And here he was, 30 minutes later, hot water turning to warm and no answers found. The only conclusion he'd arrived at was that they had to talk. For better or for worse, they had to sit down and face what had happened. Confront it head on and hope that they survived...
With a sigh, he shut the water off and exited the shower. Toweling himself dry, he shook the excess water from his hair and went in search of his clothing. Another five minutes and he was striding through the hallway in search of Kiara. After a quick survey of the rec room and the library turned up nothing, he headed for the kitchen.
There were only two people in the kitchen and neither of them was Kiara. Ororo sat at the small table, sipping from a cup of what smelled strongly of herbs. Scott was leaning against the counter, a cup of steaming coffee in his hands. Both looked up as Logan entered, a scowl on his face. A barely perceptible nod of his head acknowledged Ororo's presence and then he was turning to the young man who's blank face was devoid of any emotion. He opened his mouth to speak, to demand to know if they'd seen her, when Scott held up a hand.
"She went for a walk in the woods, Logan." The hand Logan was staring at gestured towards the door that led to the small gardens separating the mansion from the forest beyond. Narrowed eyes followed that hand up to the red lenses of the sunglasses that concealed the other man's eyes. They stared at one another for a long moment, until Logan saw a flicker of what suspiciously looked like compassion flicker across Scott's face. "She didn't look well, Logan. You should go after her..." Logan looked away quickly, hiding the pain that blossomed in his own, unshielded eyes.
"Yeah, I know..." The words were a soft growl as he pushed past Scott and out the door. The cool air was sharp and crisp, each scent that it carried rich and distinct to his heightened sense of smell. It didn't take him long to sift through them all and find the unique scent that was Kiara and follow it into the trees.
* * * * *
The path she'd taken was a direct one and it was obvious after only a few minutes of tracking that she either wasn't thinking about being followed or wanted him to find her. Neither option sat well with Logan - the first because it meant she could've been tracked by an enemy with less than half his skill. The latter because whatever reason she wanted him to follow her this far into the woods, this far away from any one else, could not be a good one. After another fifteen minutes of walking, he found her. Stepped around a large evergreen into a small clearing and there she was, sitting on the trunk of a fallen tree. He'd made no sound but she looked up as soon as he stopped walking.
"Logan. Sit down." She gently patted a space on the log next to her and Logan could feel the hairs on the back of his neck beginning to bristle with unease. Rolling his neck in a vain attempt to loosen rapidly tensing muscles, he walked slowly to where she'd indicated and stopped again. Stood there, staring silently down at her. She sighed and patted the log again. "Sit." So he sat. And the moment he was sitting, Kiara stood and walked a few steps away.
"Kiara..." he began, reaching out towards her, but she turned to face him, shaking her head.
"No, Logan. I have to do this my way. And I'll never be able to do it sitting close to you." The heavy, sad tone of her voice... it felt like he'd been kicked in the chest by a horse. The air seemed thick and impossible to draw into his lungs. All of this - leading him out into the woods for privacy, sitting him down while she stood away from him... Whatever words she was going to say to him, they were going to be painful ones. The fact that she was distancing herself from him already brought one thought rushing to his mind on a wave of fear. She was leaving him. It was the only thing that made sense... He began to climb to his feet, to protest, to beg, to promise anything that would get her to stay, but her next words sat him back down stunned.
"I remember everything that happened in the compound, Logan. After... after Jean looked into my mind, it was as if a floodgate had been opened. It all came rushing back. I was standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner. It was such a beautiful cabin, Logan. You'd built it for us, for the baby..." She spared him a sad smile before continuing. "You'd left the morning before and hadn't returned yet. But I wasn't worried - sometimes when you went hunting, you'd be gone for 2 or 3 days. So the knock on the door startled me. We didn't have any neighbours, far off in the woods as we were, no one ever came to visit. I guess they relied on that. After all, that meant there'd be no one who'd miss us if we disappeared..." Her eyes had taken on a far away look as she spoke and Logan had the feeling that she wasn't seeing the clearing or even him anymore. She was in a different time, a different place. As she continued to speak, he closed his eyes against the tightness in his chest, against the urge to jump to his feet and clamp a hand over her mouth. Prevent her taking them both down a path that only meant pain. But she'd said she needed to do this and, in the end, he only remained where he was. Gripping the log with white knuckled hands as she went on.
"I answered the door and was surprised to find men in uniform standing there. Before I could ask what they wanted, one of them told me that you'd been terribly injured. That you needed me and that they were there to take me to you. I didn't think, Logan. I didn't think to ask what had happened or why the military would be involved. I just thought of you lying somewhere, hurt or dying, and I panicked. When I turned around to grab my coat, I felt a sharp sting on the back of my neck." She paused for a moment, one hand trailing up to rub at the unbroken skin at the nape of her neck. "The next thing I was aware of, I was being dragged through these long, cold corridors and into a closely guarded room. There were more soldiers in the room, but this time, there were highranking officers as well. I heard one of them addressed as 'Colonel', by one of the men who held me. He turned to face me, and that's when I saw you. You were strapped to a chair, dried blood on the side of your face and your clothing replaced by what looked like a hospital gown. As I looked at you, still confused and dazed by the drugs they'd used on me, I watched the rage on your face die. Watched it be replaced by fear the likes of which I'd never seen you show before. And you began to babble then, something about doing whatever they wanted. That they only needed you, that they didn't need me..."
Logan was shaking his head violently by this time, fighting against the memories that hovered at the edge of his mind. "No... no more..." Kiara's voice faltered at his whispered plea, but nonetheless continued. Growing colder and almost analytical. As if she could distance herself from the words she was speaking.
"The Colonel said they needed your full cooperation to be 'assured', that a demonstration of what would happen if they didn't have it was in order. So, while two of them held your head motionless, they pushed me down onto the floor. And then they raped me. One after the other... and over all the pain, over all my cries to stop, to please stop, I could hear you screaming... You were still screaming when they dragged me from the room again, and threw me into a cell. I remember curling up in the corner of that cold little box and trying to drag the pieces of my dress over me, even as I felt the wounds and the bruises slowly beginning to heal. I remember them dragging your limp body past my cell, to another one across the way. And I remember knowing when you regained consciousness again, because that's when the screaming started. You wouldn't stop, not even when they threatened you, so they finally hit you over the head with their rifles until you were silent. When they checked on me later, that's when they discovered that I had a healing factor too. That they could use me in their little experiments, instead of just using me as insurance against your resistance." Kiara stopped speaking then, and Logan raised his head to face her. There were tears trickling down her cheeks but her eyes... The pain he saw there... no one, no one should have to bear that kind of pain... No one.
"I remember the abortion, too, Logan. No amount of tears, no amount of pleading would even get them to acknowledge me. They simply strapped me to a gurney and wheeled me to their lab. You were already there. They were in the middle of marking lines onto your skin and, whatever they had given you, you could only barely turn your head to look at me. To watch as they cut the baby from my womb... It was a boy, Logan. One of them laughed and whispered to me that to me as they dropped the lifeless little body into a red bag. He seemed to like listening to me cry..." She shook her head slowly, the haze in her eyes clearing as she locked gazes with him.
"The rest, the experiments themselves, those you remember - even if only in your nightmares. What they stole from me, Logan - my innocence, my pride, my body... our son - I can never get back. Ever." Kiara slowly walked to where Logan sat, shaking, on the log, and dropped to her knees before him. Gripped his hands tightly with her own and waited until he tightened his own grasp before she continued. "But I'll be damned if I'll let them rule my life from now on. I will *not* let them tear us apart again. I will *not* let them prevent me from expressing my love for you in the most intimate way two people can, all because of their twisted and perverted agenda. But I can't do it alone. I need you to help me, Logan. I need you to help me reclaim *myself*. To show me that love can never be anything but right. Show me..." The fierceness in her voice had vanished, as her tone softened. No sooner had the last word left her mouth, than she was wrapping her arms around his neck and gently brushing his lips with her own.
Logan felt as if the whole world had split apart around him and was slowly remaking itself within his arms. The shuddering of his body against the pain of rekindled memories faded as Kiara continued to lick and nibble at his mouth. He let his own mouth fall open beneath her persistance and sighed as her tongue brushed against his. Cradled her face in his hands and began to kiss a path along her jaw line, feeling her body tremble against his as she straddled his lap. Only the scent of her arousal on the crisp air and the abscence of any taint of fear allowed him to continue. Allowed his own passion to respond unchecked. Gently, he lay her down against the forest floor and pressed his body against her. Felt her hands undoing the button on his jeans and then pushing them down past his hips, even as her legs came up to lock around his waist. Moaned long and low into her mouth as he felt those same hands guiding him into her, his hips beginning a rhythm as ancient as time. Heard her panting and moaning beneath him as he quickened the pace, finally crying out his name as lights exploded behind his eyes. Knew that there had been no pain. No terror. Only pleasure and love. And after all this time, he could feel the wounds inside them both finally begin to knit together and heal.
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