Empathy
Chapter 7
by
NYC
"All Of You" By Vertical Horizon
So you say/ I'm too quiet
Holding things/ up in my head
I say so much/ but you don't buy it
I don't want to wake up/ alone in my head
Oh say that you'll never go now
Don't go/ Don't go
Chorus--
I need a lot of you/ I want a lot of you
I need a lot of you/ All of you
I tend to think/ I'm getting nowhere
I drag it out/ whenever I can
Someday/ I'll get back there
And find the world/ you dropped from your hand
Oh but some things you'll never show now
I know/ I know
(Chorus)
Watch you coming up/ out on top now
Watch you coming up
(Chorus)
At first Melody balked a bit at the idea of telling Andrew about Professor Xavier, and seriously considered just asking him to drop her off somewhere in town, or in a town nearby, and just go her own way, but after a while, she believed that she could trust him. After all, he would have no reason anymore to go blabbing about her secrets. He wasn't into that sort of thing anymore.
Worse than that, she kept wondering if she should tell him about what happened at the hospital. She was sure she'd get a big lecture, and that would just destroy all the new things she felt beginning to sprout up inside of her. She didn't want to squash the flowers just as they were beginning to grow. Somewhere in the middle of the second hour of the journey, the silence they had usually shared--they were never much for idle chit-chat, their conversations had either had specific purposes or were over deep and meaningful subjects that usually left Melody with a headache--suddenly became uneasy.
"You know, there is something I've been wanting to ask you for a long, long time," he finally said. "And considering I really have no idea when I'm going to see you again, I think I'd just better take the risk."
She braced herself. Things like this could never be good, but as he composed the question in his mind, she made herself relax. It had been a long time since Andrew had intentionally tried to hurt her. And those last few times had been more out of confused emotions than anything else. He hadn't taken her decision for them to part ways well, and for a while had tried to make her come back to him, only to have the truly startling emotional epiphany that if he really did care for her, he'd want what was best for her, or what made her happy, whichever seemed more likely. When he'd finally backed off, he'd gotten over her.
She glaced at him when she realized he wasn't speaking yet. He hadn't aged much over the years, and neither had Logan. Probably that healing factor thing. She wondered how old she must look--last glance in the mirror had not been flattering, but she'd been comparing herself to Jean Grey at the time, and few people came up on the plus side when held up against that woman.
It sort of smacked her in the face that they would both probably go on looking very young--Logan and Andrew--for many, many years to come. In fact, with Logan's uncharted healing ability, he could very well be immortal.
Such thoughts made her shudder. She, on the other hand, would one day turn into a very old and ugly hag. If she wasn't already.
"What?" he broke into her thoughts, his brow furrowed in concern. "What are you thinking about?"
She shook herself. "Nothing," she muttered. "Go ahead, ask your question."
He hesitated, then began to stumble all over himself. "Well, I was wondering if...well, if you and Ferro had ever...had ever..." He shrugged, sighing. "Dammit, I was a doctor once and I can't even say it."
Her morose thoughts were suddenly flipped over into pure, wicked amusement. He wanted to know, after all this time, if she and Logan--or Ferro--had ever done the dirty deed.
"No," she said bluntly. "Never."
He stared out over the steering wheel at the road. "Okay."
She considered asking him why he had wanted to know, but let it go. If she did, maybe he wouldn't ask her---
"Why?" he continued.
The muscles in her eyes tensed, making it look like she was frowning, but it felt more like a wince. "I don't know," she said. "The one time we ever almost did, we got interrupted."
The heavy pause made her cast a sideways glance at him. His eyes were still on the road, but his eyebrows were so high up they were almost invisible under the thick locks of his dark hair. As if a puzzle he'd been trying to solve forever had suddenly clicked into place. "OH..." he said, dragging it out like a sigh. He puckered his lips, and then his lips lapsed into a smile. "I guess that explains that."
It would never make any sense to her why she would say what she said next, "It didn't matter about that, you know. Getting interrupted. We wouldn't have done it anyway."
Only one eyebrow arched. "Really?"
"Yes, really," she said evenly, looking back through the rear windshield to make sure that the bike was still lashed into place.
"Are you so sure?" he murmured.
"Yes," her teeth gritted, so it sounded more like a snarl.
Andrew shrugged. "I don't know about that, dear. Your morality aside, I don't think that Ferro would have been so easy to dismiss."
"Easy or not," Melody said flatly, "it wouldn't have happened."
He nodded. "I see. And...why?"
"What is this, confession?" she snapped. "What, did you go and get a Roman collar while I was knocked out?"
He gave her another sideglance. "You always get so defensive about this, Mel," he said, sighing. "Have you ever considered that maybe---"
"No," she bit out, turning away. She felt all resistant and balled up inside, like a firecracker ready to go off. The only thing she really wanted was to throw up her walls and be left alone. She hated being invaded, hated all her life the feelings of other people being inside her head, demanding her attention, her action, her care. She didn't want to give herself to them, and she sure as hell didn't want to tell him about her profoundly spiritual experience because then she'd just get a big speech that would sound like a ten minute version of "I told you so," and the thought of that made her carsick.
She hadn't felt like this since she was seventeen years old and her father forced her to come to the dinner table and made her talk to them, to her family, about her life. Didn't they get it? She just wanted to be left alone!
She sighed, feeling that strange, suffocating sense of captivity again, and she knew that if she kept it too long, the feeling of abandonment was going to kick in, because, after all, if you treated people like that, they were going to eventually one day tell you to hit the road and don't look back.
Then, she felt something. Like someone withdrawing their hand, only it felt like it was coming from her head. She blinked, only then realizing that she'd shut her eyes, and realized that she couldn't feel Andrew anymore.
Only at that moment did she realize how close his emotions had always been to her, pressing on her head like a weight. As he withdrew, so did the fear, the suffocation, and the hollow pain of being empty inside. That last one had always been hers, but it had been his as well, and maybe she'd been carrying it for the both of them.
She looked at him. He was watching her carefully, not looking angry or resentful, but concerned. "I'm sorry," he said. "I knew I was going to end up pushing you too hard. I guess that's always been my problem, hasn't it? Clinging to you, even though you never asked me to, never asked me for anything." He sighed again and looked away. "I guess it's always been that way, hasn't it?"
"I've asked you for plenty of things," she reminded him.
"Yeah, money. Money's nothing," Andrew all but snorted. "You know, never in my life would I ever have thought that I needed anyone, ever. Not even Ferro's mother. Not even Ferro. But I needed you. For a long time." He gazed at her again. "I'm sorry, Melody. It wasn't fair to you."
He was apologizing. The implications were almost earth-shattering, except that, on some level, she had been expecting it. "I accept," she said softly. "I have something I want to tell you," she began, "but I'm not ready to tell you yet. Just give me a little time to...I don't know...feel like it, maybe?" She almost smiled. "Okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. Within 45 minutes, she began to tell him about the hospital, about her conversation with the priest, and he listened. He didn't judge, he didn't try and tell her what to do, he just listened. When she finished, over a half hour later, she was almost disappointed that he didn't have more to say.
Almost.
Within twenty minutes, Melody realized, they were going to be standing outside the big iron gates of Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. She had to ask him the question she hadn't known how to ask for the entire eight hour drive. "What do you want me to tell him?" she said as the city streets turned into curving country roads.
He knew she meant Logan. He didn't have to ask. "I don't know," Andrew sighed. "I don't think I'm one of his favorite people, you know? I don't want you to tell him where I am."
"But," Melody prodded.
"It's only fair that you tell him about me," Andrew sighed. "You're a good judge of feelings, Mel," he added, teasingly. "If you think he's going to come and rip me apart, don't tell him where to find me. But if you think that he could handle it...I don't know, I still don't think I'd be ready. I did a lot of wrong to him, and he's not the same as the pup I raised." Andrew almost shuddered at his own expression. "You can't even call it that, semantically, can you?"
Melody looked down at her hands. "I don't want to lie to him anymore," she said softly. "Whatever I tell him, it'll have to be the truth."
Andrew nodded. "Then all I can ask is that you tell him the truth---that you can't tell him where I am."
"And when can I?" Melody dared.
Andrew considered. "If he wants to bad enough--and mind you, in a positive way, not baying after my blood," he added, "then after some time, maybe you could come and pay me a visit. But I'm talking a year or two, not a few weeks or even months."
Melody nodded. "I understand."
"Yeah," Andrew mused, "but you know, he could quite possibly want nothing to do with me at all. I wouldn't blame him."
"I doubt that," Melody said. "I mean, like it or not, you two are blood. There's inevitably going to be some sort of closure."
He gave her a rather sly look. "I know that, Mel," he said, his tone gentle. "But do you?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"You know what I mean," he said, and then looked away, adding, "At any rate, I'm sure I'm going to be an incredibly touchy subject, so whatever you have to tell him truthfully, just be sure that he can handle it."
Melody nodded, still grimacing, but she let it go. In a few more minutes, they were outside the gates. Andrew stopped the car and got out. Melody enjoyed the warmth of the car for a few more moments, suddenly feeling a terrible sort of anxiety in the pit of her stomach.
Logan was mad at her. She could feel it all the way out here. She wondered briefly if he could feel her, if any of them could. Doubtless Professor Xavier was quite capable of locating her at any time, and was more than likely aware of her return.
She hoped they wouldn't make a big fuss over it. She hated it when people did that.
She heard metal moving against metal got out of the car. Andrew had the ramp down and was backing the bike off and onto the road. Melody came over and helped, putting the kickstand back down before turning back to Dr. Andrew Logan for a final time.
"Don't be a stranger," she said lightly.
He stepped forward and pulled her into an embrace. "I'd tell you not to forget me," he said, "but then you'd just wind up flattering me and I don't want to cause a scene."
She laughed against his shoulder. "I'm going to miss you," she said honestly.
He pulled away, and lightly kissed her on the cheek. "You'll see me again someday, I'm sure," he said. "If you ever need me, you'll know where I am."
She nodded, and watched in silence as he put the ramp back up and got back into his car. Then he started it up and extended his arm out the window, waving her a goodbye as he disappeared back down the private driveway. Melody waved back, and as he vanished into the trees, she stood there, clutching the neck of her coat closed, the autumn breeze feeling a touch too cold.
She looked at the bike--Andrew had repaired it so her promise to Scott remained relatively unbroken. She looked back down the road, to where Andrew had gone. She felt strange, remembering the dreams she had had when she was younger, dreams of being abandoned, alone.
She wasn't alone. She didn't know who she had, but she knew she wasn't alone. She hopped onto the bike and motored up the long driveway into the garage, parking the bike exactly where she had left it.
As she stepped off and into the garage, her footsteps echoed in the late afternoon stillness. She had come home.
The hall was strangely quiet. Melody got a good look at the large antique grandfather clock in the main hall and saw that it was actually well past six. Everyone was probably at dinner. She headed toward the dining room and felt the warmth of the room on her cheeks, smelled the hot air of the buffet table as it kept the food edible, and heard the murmuring and muffled laughter of the students as they enjoyed their meal. She poked her head in the door and saw that Rogue was sitting at a nearby table, with an empty spot next to her.
As if she knew she was there, Rogue turned her head and looked right at Melody. She waved her hand and patted the chair, and Melody, in an uncharacteristic burst of need, went right to it, slinging her damp coat over the back.
"Did you guys hear me come in or something?" Melody asked in a low tone.
Rogue gave her a smile. "Logan told me you were back," Rogue said. "Ah thought Ah'd save you a spot."
The words sent a strange chill into Melody's stomach. "He knows?" she echoed. "Uh...is he mad at me?"
Rogue couldn't quite look at her. "Let's just eat," she said. She grabbed a dish and handed to her. It was mashed potatoes. With a shrug, Melody plopped a scoopful onto her plate.
"Ah'm glad you're back," Rogue said after a few minutes, turning to her. "Ah wanted to tell you...Ah'm planning a trip to go back home and see my parents."
Melody's eyebrows arched in surprise. "Really?" she said. "What brought this on?"
Rogue shrugged. "Ah think it's time. Now's as good as any, before it gets too cold and the roads get bad. But nobody wants me to go alone, so Ah gotta pick someone to join me."
"You mean like a chaperone?" Melody suggested.
"Yeah, well...Ah'm not quite 18 yet. And on top of that," and she squirmed uncomfortably, "there was some real trouble when Ah left. Ah just want to sneak in and see my parents and let them know Ah'm okay, and then leave."
It sounded like a plan, and Melody said so. Then she looked back at her full plate. She was hungry, and there was no sense in wasting a perfectly good dinner, she decided, as she eagerly at her fill.
In spite of the fact that she had been the last one to arrive, Melody finished before all ofthe others and excused herself. She had to get her stuff to her room, which she had left in a rather rude pile outside the door of the dining room. But when she stepped out into the silent hallway, her stuff was gone.
Someone had taken it.
Melody considered for a moment what might have happened. Maybe someone saw it and thought someone had just lost it, or maybe they'd noticed that it was hers and taken it to her room. She walked down the hallway and up the stairs, into the winding hallways where the private bedrooms were, and noticed that the light in the room where she had stayed before was on. She went inside and saw that her stuff was sitting on the floor, at the foot of her bed.
Turning, Melody glanced out into the hallway. There was another light on, a bit down the hall.
Logan's room.
He was there. He had carried her stuff to her room for her. Rogue had said he'd known she was back...but was this a good sign? How mad could he be at her and yet still do her such a favor?
Or maybe he hadn't done it and it was just a coincidence. Xavier had a lot of servants bustling about here, helping to keep things in order. One of them could quite easily have done it.
She considered asking, but that would have meant facing Logan, and her parting with Andrew had left her in a rather melancholy, vulnerable state, and she had little urge to go throw herself into the lion's den---or the Wolverine's den, in this case.
She hesitated, and finally the great grandfather clock struck seven. The sound, even faint, startled her.
Maybe she'd go see if the Professor was in his study first.
To her surprise, he was. She could sense him from the hallway, and as she raised her hand to knock on the door, she heard him say, "Come."
Slowly, she pushed open the door and poked her head in. Scott was in there with him, and he jumped up, surprised and pleased to see her.
"Hey!" he called, walking over to her. She felt his concern. "It's been nine days---you said only a week. We were worried." He hugged her lightly, his tone chastising.
"Yeah," she said, and in a completely unconscious gesture she pushed up the sleeves of her sweater. "I got held up a bit, I'm really sorry. Your bike is fine, it's in the garage, right where you had it before."
Scott was looking down at her arm, alarm on his face. He reached down and took her wrist, lifting it. Melody's eyes widened when she realized that the marks on her arm from the accident were clearly visible. Scott pushed up the sleeve a bit more to get a better look.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"Your bike is fine," Melody insisted. "Got a little scratched but it's as good as new, I promise---"
"Screw the bike, what happened to you? Professor, look at this!"
Melody was relieved to sense the Professor's bemusement as he came around, his chair humming lightly, to see the long, ugly marks on her arm. "It hit some ice and skidded a bit on the pavement. Knocked myself out, too, but I'm fine." Melody poked a temple with two fingers. "Very hard stuff."
Professor Xavier smiled at her. "All the same, maybe Dr. Grey should look you over, just to be safe."
"Any others like this?" Scott asked.
"Yeah," Melody answered reluctantly. "Up the arm, and my leg got pinned under the bike so it got scratched up, too. The hospital kept me overnight for observations but they released me, so I must be fine."
Scott snorted. "You don't know hospitals like I do," he muttered. "I'll ask Jean if she'll look you over tonight."
Melody was about to object, but she felt the Professor say lightly, in her head, *Let him go.* So instead, she nodded. "Okay, yeah, that'll be fine, if it's not a problem."
"I'll be back in a few," Scott said, and he left them alone. The Professor regarded her with his calm, fatherly eyes.
"So how was your trip?" he asked. "I hope you weren't too uncomfortable on the bike after the accident."
"I didn't ride the bike back," Melody explained, sitting down into a comfortable chair. "I had a ride."
"I see." He studied her thoughtfully. "From a friend?"
"Yeah," Melody said. "Dr. Andrew Logan."
He did not seem at all surprised by this news. "I suspected," he said softly. "Your feelings regarding him, and your thoughts...forgive me," he added when she seemed a bit upset, "I was not reading your thoughts, but there are times when people are thinking so intensely about something, as you've said when people are feeling something intensely, that I cannot help but pick it up."
She nodded, relenting. "I guess it's only fair that I tell you as much as I can," she sighed, relaxing, "considering I had to tell him about you."
"And?" Professor Xavier pressed.
"You're in no danger," she said reassuringly.
"Oh, I know that," he said, smiling at her, "but what about Logan?"
"I told you that he's not responsible for that military operation--"
"No," Professor Xavier said, "what did he say about Logan?"
Melody shrugged. "He feels guilty," she began, "but he has no desire to cause any trouble by trying to make amends. He's going to let Logan call the shots."
"I see," Professor Xavier said thoughtfully. "Well, I think it's only fair to tell you that I've been helping Logan put his memories back together. He's allowed me to see things, especially about you---Melody, I think at the earliest possible moment you speak to him."
She looked away. "Rogue told me he was mad at me."
"She did?" He seemed annoyed.
She shook her head. "Not out and out told me. I asked her. She wouldn't answer. I don't have to be an empath or a psychic to figure it out." She sighed, pressing her hand to her forehead. "I don't really know what to do."
She could feel Professor Xavier's symapthy. She was actually comforted by it. "I have to admit, Logan's memories are quite colored by emotional events," he explained. "I don't really feel that I alone an capable of helping him completely recover what he's lost. He needs someone who was there, who remembers. He needs you."
Melody squirmed. "I hate to ask you this," she began.
"But you're going to anyway."
"Well, you said his memories were colored by emotion. Now, when you say that, do you mean just the proceedure that was done to him?"
"No, I mean everything. Especially his perceptions of you."
She gave a little groan. "That's what I thought you meant."
"You think Logan's feelings for you aren't genuine because of the severity of your dependence upon each other during that difficult time," Professor Xavier explained. "And that is an extremely valid concern, and I don't blame you for having it. And the truth is, you might be right. But at the same time, Melody, you are a crucial part to what he is. The impact you had upon his person, the way you treated him, cared for him, made him realize that he was important and valuable and not just an experiment or a pet---those emotions he feels towards you in that respect are absolutely valid."
"Gratitude, yes," Melody said, "but not this--"
The Professor held up his hand. "Not just gratitude," he said. "What you've become to him is more than just a kind stranger. You couldn't be closer to him if you shared blood. I don't think that there is a word for this kind of emotion, but it is a form of love. Whether or not this love is going to develop into a romantic sort, I don't know."
"But don't you see," she almost cried, "that's just the problem! That sort of love isn't real! It's just being spawned by this other feeling he has for me, this way I've gotten all tangled up in is psyche!"
The Professor looked at her. "You think that makes it any less real?" he asked her. "What do you think love is, Melody? Where do you think it comes from? It isn't about two strangers just deciding one day that they want to be together. It's about two people realizing that they belong together. That could be caused by anything, and could happen between anyone, even people who've known each other and been the closest friends for years upon years, and then one day realize that they never want to be apart. Do you think that sort of love doesn't count just because they knew each other in a different way first?"
Melody let out a long, ragged breath. "So what are you saying?" she asked.
"All I'm saying," he said, "is that you help Logan. And leave yourself open to whatever might happen. You of all people know about emotions, Melody," he admonished her. "When the time comes, I'm going to ask you if you think it's real. Use the powers God gave you. If you use them right, then you'll know, without doubt."
She considered his words. "All right, Professor," she said. "I'll do that. I guess you'll know if I'm lying."
"Yes, I will," he agreed with an uncharacterisitcally pleased grin. "Now, first thing to do is settle your current problem with Logan, and then we can begin."
She nodded.
"Second," he said, "is to talk about you. Are you going to be staying here with us?"
"I was going to talk to you about that," she said. "If it's all right with you, I'd like to say here...with the other mutants."
His smile was pleased. "I was hoping."
"I'll learn to use my powers, whatever I have," she went on. "But I'm not exactly at a high school level. Is there some way I can go back to college?"
He nodded. "I have some connections with universities," he said. "I could arrange something. What would you like to study?"
"Psychology," she said. "I was even thinking about becoming a psychologist, getting my Ph.D. If you would be willing to help me, I'd be glad to stay on here, as a counselor."
"I think we could definitely work something out," he said, his pleasure very obvious. "Dr. Grey's field has always been more in the medical aspect. And there are so many children who come here who are suffering from such emotional stress---I know for a fact that we'd have more than enough work for you to do."
"Good," Melody sighed.
"We can discuss it over the next few days," Professor Xavier said. "In the meantime, you should get some rest and take care of other business."
"Yeah," Melody laughed. "Somehow, I think getting my Ph. D. is going to be easy compared to this."
Melody made her way down the hallway toward her room. She paused, cast a glance toward where Logan slept, saw that the light was on, and decided to take all the advice she'd been given and make the first move as soon as possible. But as she got closer to his room, she realized he wasn't in it.
She heard voices. They were coming back from the room beside hers. Laughter. Jean's laughter. Then the rough baritone of Logan's chuckle.
They were in Jean's room. Together.
Her feet were pulled out of her control and she wound up walking nearly backwards, her ears straining, her teeth itching and her hair standing on end. The temporary insanity she felt was being caused by the wrongful desire to know what they were saying, but she told herself it wasn't because she was trying to be mean or nosy. It was because Logan was in Jean's room.
*In Jean's room.*
Finally, she got close enough to hear. Like a radio coming into tune, she heard Jean saying, "...run some tests tonight. Sunset is earlier, feels later than it is."
"Nah," that was Logan, "ya just don't have the night in yer blood, Jean."
She laughed. Flirtatiously. Melody's teeth pressed together, causing them to ache. "I don't, you're right."
"Well, ain't nobody ever showed you how it's done. Not with one-eye and his brightness all the time. Amazed you can get any sleep."
"Oh, Logan," and the way she sighed it, with a sort of weariness of a woman who is constantly being pursued and can't seem to shake the pursuer, not so much because she lacks the wit, but because she lacks the sheer willpower, "you never give up."
"That's me, darlin'. Never take no for an answer...not a final answer, anyway."
"Well, I'm hoping so, considering your current complication."
What the hell did Jean mean by that? Melody felt all of her body begin to tremble as her adreneline climbed out of control. Her limbs were being turned to liquid and then freezing back into jelly. She couldn't breathe--all she could feel was a wave of rage and jealousy so intense that the world actually changed colors before her. They soft pinkish-grey sky outside the windows dimmed and she felt dizzy.
At that moment, she realized that the conversation had stopped. Logan had said something else, but she had missed it. Something heavily tainted with emotions--deep emotions, ones that resonated even after he finished his statement. She caught them, their tail ends leaping up to whip her in the face before they retreated. She tasted their salty bitterness--longing, such deep longing.
She made her feet move and somehow got into her bedroom. But she knew she couldn't stay there. First of all, Jean had to have felt that little tantrum she had had, because the woman was psychic, after all. Second, Logan might have felt it too, considering how close her mind seemed to be to his all the time, and third, any second now, Jean was going to say--
"I gotta go. Scott told me he'd open up the lab, but I have to track down Melody. I think she was with the professor." There was hesitancy in her voice. "But I'm not so sure now."
Logan said something else. Something in a very low, secretive tone, something designed to be heard by no ears outside of Jean's. Melody looked around, wondering where she could go and if she could get out fast enough. She threw off her shoes, and opened the door, then headed down the hallway at a pure dead run. She didn't stop until she rounded the corner to catch her breath.
Where to hide? Maybe by some fluke Rogue would be in her room. If Melody remembered correctly, she shared a dormotory just down another wing, not too far away. Trying to control her breathing and cursing herself for being so out of shape, Melody staggered down the hall and managed to find it. She came inside without so much as a word, as Rogue was going through some things by her bedside. She looked up, a bit startled, and then smiled.
"Hey there," Rogue said. "Ah wasn't expectin' ya. Sit down." Her southern always came out thicker when she was emotional, Melody noted.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, well, just gettin' ready," Rogue said. She gave her another nervous smile. "Ah have to admit, Ah'm a bit scared to do this."
"Well," Melody said, leaning forward and resting her head between her hands, "it's never easy. I haven't seen my parents in fifteen years."
"That's a long time," Rogue said softly. "Don't you miss them?"
"Only on Christmas," Melody half-lied.
Rogue considered her. "You know, they all want someone to go with me, but Ah can't decide who Ah wanted to come. Logan isn't the type you bring home to mama, ya know?" she said with a little wink. Melody grimaced.
"Tell me about it."
If Rogue sensed that there was something horribly amiss, she didn't press it. "Well, Ah realize this may be bad timing and all, considering ya just got back, but Ah was wondering if you'd be able to come with me?"
The grimace turned puzzled. "Why me?"
Rogue shrugged. "Ah don't know...Ah just think you'd be the best choice, is all. Ah know you'd probably rather stay here and work this thing out with Logan---"
Melody shook her head emphatically. "No, Rogue. I'll go with you. I just don't get why."
Rogue frowned. "Have you apologized to him yet?"
The very idea made her head want to spin and her throat to spit green pea soup. "No," she said tartly. "I haven't."
"Why not?"
She considered her words. "He was busy."
"With?"
The corners of her mouth pulled back as her teeth came together, hard. "Dr. Grey."
Rogue's eyes widened. "Still on that, huh?" she said, a bit amused. "Really, Mel..."
"What?" Melody snapped. "I heard him flirting with her---"
"So he was flirting, so what? What did you hear?"
So Melody told her. Every word she could remember. But the amazing part was, the only thing Rogue seemed to pay attention to was the fact that Jean had mentioned that Scott said he'd go open the lab up for them.
"And that didn't strike you as strange?" Rogue inquired.
"What's strange about it?"
"That Scott would say he'd go open and lab and leave Logan in his room to flirt with his fiancee? If he thought Logan was a real threat?"
"Maybe he just trusts Jean," Melody bit out caustially.
"Oh, sure...Ah'm going to leave my beautiful fiancee in a bedroom, not to mention MY bedroom, alone with a guy as persuasive as Logan? Even for a minute? Really, Mel, Ah thought you'd been around? Even Ah know the rules aren't like that."
"So what are you saying," Melody said, "that it wasn't flirting? It was flirting."
"Flirting, yes, but nothing threatening. Not to you. You even said you didn't catch half of what Logan said. For all you know, they might have been talking about you! And you got all wound up and your emotions colored everything."
Melody gave her a very pointed look, eyes narrowed. "You sound like the Professor."
Rogue perked up. "Do Ah? Wow."
Just then, Jean put her head in the door. "There you are," she said, coming over to them. She smiled down at Melody. "Scott said you'd been in an accident, and that the Professor wanted you checked up."
"Yeah," Melody grunted, not looking at her.
Rogue piped up, "Melody is going to go with me to visit my parents."
"Oh, really?" Jean looked back at Melody. "But you just got back."
Melody looked up at her. "Rogue asked me."
Rogue nodded. "Considering the circumstances Ah thought it would be a good chance for her to *get a grip,*" and those three words were spoken with a distinct accentuation, "on some of her emotional powers."
"Actually," Jean said, considering, "that might be a great idea. Rogue will be a lot more comfortable with you along."
Melody used all her self control in the world not to let the thought blaze into her mind, *And for you and Logan with me gone.* But she successfully squelched it.
Rogue almost glared at her. "If she's up for it," she added. "Go get your check up. Doctors don't always come to you. It's a rare thing."
"As far as I can tell, you're fine," Jean said. "Just some pretty bad cuts and bruises. I thought Scott told me you'd hit your head."
"Yeah," Melody said, "I knocked myself out."
Jean nodded. "Lay back down on the table," she instructed. "I'll just do a few minor scans." Then she hitched. "Actually, Melody, since we're here, I was wondering if you'd let me do a few tests on you."
"Like what?" Melody asked, trying to get comfortably on the very flat surface.
"I'd like to get some brain scans of when you're using your powers," Jean said. "We could measure ability levels, control measures--there's worlds of stuff we could do with this kind of research."
Melody sighed. She hated the idea of being a guinny pig, but after all, Professor Xavier trusted this woman, and had entrusted Melody to her care, and if he wanted tests done, then she'd comply. "All right, what do I have to do?"
Jean came around the table with what looked like some sort of giant metal headband. It was padded on the back, so as she slipped it over Melody's head and Melody laid it back against the table, it didn't feel too unbearably uncomfortable. "This will give me a picture of your brain," she explained.
On the monitor beside her, Melody saw a picture. It was of a human head, probably hers, and a brain inside of it, only the brain was so heavily drenched in different colors that it hardly looked like a brain at all. "Those are just the gagues," Jean explained. "You'll see what I mean in a minute. Maybe you need to think of something very relaxing."
Melody sighed, picturing the cool dimness of Andrew's living room, the silent ticking of the clock, the way she felt safe there. Certain parts of the gagues turned a soft blue.
"Maybe something angry this time," Jean suggested.
Melody couldn't help but think about what she heard in the hallway. The gagues turned an angry, crimson red.
"Now relax again," Jean instructed.
She thought of Rogue and her reassuring ways. The red phased to green. It didn't quite go all the way back to blue. Then, after a few minutes, and the picture in Melody's mind of soft falling snow, it returned to the smooth cornflower blue from before.
"So what do we do now?" Melody asked.
"That was just to get the measurements," Jean said. "Now we do the hard stuff. I want you to try and reach out and sense someone's emotion from in here."
Melody frowned. "Isn't that kind of invading their privacy?" she asked.
"Well, I did warn a few people about this," Jean said. "Why don't you try Storm?"
Melody had briefly met the white-haired mutant, who currently had a lot going on outside of her school activities. She sensed the stress and the tension, like a wire on a guitar being pulled too tightly. The colors of the monitor changed, but they did not all become the same color. Certain parts turned a distinct shade of pale orange, but others remained as blue as before. A few other colors popped up, and Melody wished that Andrew was here, because she could have pestered him for some answers. All she got from Jean was more instructions.
"Go to the Professor," Jean said. Melody obeyed, and the Professor instantly knew she was there. He was amused, and the orange parts turned a sweet shade of pink.
Jean asked her to go to Rogue, and Melody did, turning the colors to various shades of yellow, a sign of Rogue's nervous state. When she jumped to Scott, she sensed an emotion that she could only have called one of being in control, confident, and rather proud. He was training a few of the others in some matters of combat, and in this mode, he made the colors of Jean's scanner turn vibrant purple.
Melody hovered there for a moment. She didn't want to invade Scott's mind, but..."Have him think of you," she asked softly, shyly.
"What?" Jean almost laughed.
"Just tell him to think of you."
"All...right," and Jean reached out and touched Scott's mind. He smiled a bit, and the vibrant purple softened to a sweet shade of lavender.
"Well," Jean said, "that's reassuring."
It certainly was. And then as Melody pulled back, her mind practically stumbled across a presence coming down the hall, right for them.
Logan.
The doors came open abruptly and he walked right into the room. Jean started a bit but quickly returned to her work. Melody turned her head to the side, slightly coming out of the grip of the scanner.
Logan stopped right beside her, looking down at her. The look of intensity in his eyes was piercing.
God, she had hurt him.
The soft blue colors of her own emotions began to change, and she didn't notice it. They paled and lost their color, fluxuating from a brownish-yellow to a greyish orange.
She stared back at him, unable to look away. She hadn't laid eyes on him in over a week. Her breathing was ragged, catching over and over in her throat as she tried to stay calm, tried to get those colors to turn back to that soft blue, or even the pale green, but none of them moved.
And Jean was no frigging help at all.
His emotions, unbeknownst to Melody, had made the purple from where Scott had been turn to a vivid red, like blood. The crimson of anger, it wasn't--it was more like a fire mingled with wine. Jean stared at it in fascination.
He stepped closer to her, one hand touching her arm, lightly.
"Scott said you got into an accident, that's why you were late," he said, his voice low, his words a bit rushed. "You okay?"
"Fine," Melody managed.
"We're just running some tests on her mutant ability," Jean broke in lightly. Logan's eyes raised to her, then went back to down to Melody again.
"All right," he said, then turned around and left.
Melody's guilty greys and browns instantly flamed to red, the intense anger. She clenched her fists so hard her palms bled. And the worst of it was, she didn't know if it was directed at herself, for being so stupid, or him, for being so stubborn.
The next few days were rather strange. Rogue was all over getting her trip put together, and Melody tried to help as much as possible. But she couldn't get all of her mind to focus on it.
All she could think about was Logan.
She saw him everywhere, just hovering out of range. He was tables away at meals, but just barely in view. He was in his room during the evenings she tried to rest, but he never came out, only made enough noise to make sure she knew he was there. He talked to those around her, once they were a safe distance away, and laughed just loud enough for her to hear it.
If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was acting like a girl. But worst of it was, she knew he was punishing her. She knew it, and she deserved it. But there was only so much punishment that a girl could take. Especially if that girl was Melody.
Rogue suggested that they go shopping a few days before they embarked on their road trip. Scott had accquisitioned them a van from the garage and had even tuned it up for them. Jean suggested a nearby mall, and had added that Melody, since she was going to be around for a while, should probably get the sorts of things she would need to make herself comfortable.
She had new clothes. There wasn't much else. But she saw how personalized everyone's stuff was--especially their rooms. Even though Rogue shared a dormitory with others, she had matching pillow shams and a pretty bed spread.
Melody did not relish the idea of feminizing her room. It wasn't like there was anyone else who was going to be in it but her, and that sort of thing was what a woman who had people to entertain there did, not a lonely old maid like her.
She stood in her room, just after lunch, and stared at her reflection again. She saw that sme person she'd imagined a few days ago--an old hag. She'd asked Jean just a day or two ago how old she was, and was stunned to realize that they were the same age. Thirty-five.
She sure didn't look thirty-five. No wonder Logan noticed her.
Then, as she was standing there, she was suddenly overcome.
That stupid bastard had turned the tables on her. He'd been chasing after her, and the second he turned around, he'd made her go chasing after him! Like some sort of stupid reverse- psychology!
That half-wolf, mutant healing, knuckle-knived, hairy-faced, bad tempered, beast of a man bastard had totally turned it on her! Enraged, Melody threw down her brush and headed out the door. She was going to give him a piece of her mind.
Or rather, what she had left.
She found him exactly where she expected to find him--downstairs, beating the crap out of some stupid stuffed bag. The thought that he had kissed her down here did not hit her until she actually entered his presence. He was sitting on one of the padded weight benches with a rather heavy-looking barbell in front of him. His back was to her, and what a back it was.
She stopped, staring at him. It was like a slap of cold salt water in her face--refreshing and foul-tasting at the same time. God, he was so beautifully built it was painful to look at him.
She cleared her throat. He knew she was there, he had to have smelled her. But he wasn't going to turn around. He straddled the bench, one leg on either side, and he picked up the barbell, causing the muscles in his shoulders to ripple.
Melody felt extremely glad that among his many talents, Logan wasn't psychic. There were just too many damn psychics running around this place.
"Logan," she finally rasped. "I need to talk to you."
"So talk," he said, not looking at her.
"Look," she said, trying to soften her tone. "I'm...I'm sorry for what I did. It was stupid and it was rude, and there was no reason for it. And I promise you I won't do it again."
He didn't say a word.
"So," she continued, raising her voice a bit, "I wanted to tell you that I'm going with Rogue to go find her parents. And I didn't want you to think that I was running off again, I'm just doing it as a favor to Rogue."
Still nothing.
She stared at him, long and hard, hoping that by some miracle her eyes might burn a tiny little hole into that perfect back of his, but nothing happened. Logan just went on with his exercises as if she hadn't even spoken. Finally, after three full minutes of silence--she actually counted the seconds and it came up to exactly 185--he turned head a bit, his eyes not even meeting hers.
"You done?" he growled.
She felt about as small and stupid and worthless as she ever had in her life. "Yeah, I'm done," she said voicelessly, turned and left. She didn't even realize until she was in the garage that there were tears on her face, dripping off her chin. She had ruined it. She had had a chance at a good thing and she had ruined it.
Which wasn't a big surprise, because she'd ruined a lot of good things in her life--her family, her friendships, her chance at an education, her future, her love-life---but none of them hurt this much.
Rogue was in the garage, heading for the car. "Oh, good, you're here," she said. "I was just looking--"
"You drive," Melody said, handing her the keys.
"Okay," Rogue said, seeing the tears now. "Are you--"
"Please," Melody said, climbing into the driver's seat. "Let's just go."
Rogue obeyed. She drove them as far as the end of the driveway and was turning when she hit the breaks. Melody was thrust forward, and realized she hadn't put on her seatbelt, so she barely got her hands in front of her in time to catch herself
"Rogue what are you--"
Rogue was looking toward the house. Melody turned her head and saw Logan running toward them.
"Just go," Melody ordered, her voice rough.
Rogue's eyes widened. "I'm not--"
"Marie!" Melody practically howled, but it was too late. Logan's hands clamped the open window frame. Melody didn't turn and look at him. She threw her back against the seat in a pouty show of anger, and stared straight again.
"Thanks, Rogue," Logan said, leaning into the car, into Melody's view. He looked at her. "Mel," he said, commanding her attention.
Her eyes shifted just a bit, to meet his.
He glared back at her, his anger showing. "That was a lousy thing you did," he said.
"I know," she snarled. "It was rotten and mean and I was a total asshole to do it. Isn't that good enough already?"
He backed up a bit, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, that's good enough." He put one hand, large and warm, on her shoulder, pulling her toward him a bit. "Don't ever do it again."
"I said I wouldn't." She so wanted to shrug off his hand, wanted to bite it, wanted to scream at him to get away.
But no. She wouldn't. Because now the ball had been bounced back to her, and she had a chance to make this game fair again. She was going to take it.
"All right," he said, his hand sliding a bit. He seemed to want to let go, but didn't. "How long are you gonna be?"
"At the mall?" Rogue piped in, confused.
He shook his head, sighing wolfishly. "No, I mean, with yer parents."
"Probably a few weeks," Melody murmured. She was actually pleased to see the disappointment on his face.
"Well, not to rush ya, but I"ll be waitin' for ya to come back."
Melody shut her eyes. Logan withdrew his hand and pulled back. Then Melody reached forward and grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. When he was close enough, she reached out the open window and put her arms around his neck.
"I really am sorry," she whispered, so softly only he could have heard it.
Her answer was a gentle squeeze. "So am I," he replied, just as softly. He ran a hand through her hair. "So am I."
She let go, just enough for her cheek to brush his. "We're not leaving for a few days," she said. "The Professor suggested that I could help you...get some of your memories in order."
He brightened. "I'd appreciate that, Mel," he said, his voice rich with feeling.
She nodded. "See you in a while," she said.
"Okay." They let go of each other and Logan stepped back, just enough for Rogue to put the car back into gear and drive away.
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