ChickFic
by
Hunter
DEDICATION: To the Cagers, LT & Deke for encouragement and Hatch. . . My Chicken Muse
LAWYERS STUFF: Blah blah. . . nothings mine. . .
AGE: Nope. . . .not a thing. . . .unles you have a really bad thing for feathers.
IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS YELLOW
The large truck slowed down once again, as the heavy traffic inched along, just outside the city limits.
The burley driver could swear that he could hear that incessant peeping even inside the cab.
Peep peep peep peep peep peep peep peep peep peep
"It's driving me nuts!" He cursed to himself, thought about closing up the window to try and drown out some of the peeps, felt the sweat trickle down his face, and opted instead to turn his Britney Spears Tape louder. . . .
Outside, his load continued to peep. The small bodies jostled around in their crates, vying for space and calling for their mothers.
A Ford Pickup squeezed out the lane and the truck driver gladly took up the space, the sudden changing of gears bumping the crates together. The peeping picked up tempo as the G-Force pushed the small bodies together and against the crates walls. . . .one, pushed a bit too hard, fell out.
The truck inched away, totally oblivious to one small passenger left behind.
FEATHERED HITCH HIKERS CAN BE DANGEROUS
Scott drove. . . no, sat. . . in the Saturday morning's traffic, trying to be a good leader and example to the rest of the mansions residents by sparing Jubilation Lee's life. . . and not tossing her out the car when they finally managed to pick up speed.
It was hot.
The traffic was not moving.
And the three girls at the back of the car were driving him slowly insane.
Jean tossed him a sympathetic glance from the passenger seat next to him. . . Were his thoughts broadcasting that loudly???
The 'OOOO's and "AW cutes" from the back of the car caused him to glare into the mirror again. Not that that had done any good the last 100 times.
Peep peep peep peep peep peeep peeep ppeeeeeep peeeeeep peeeeeeep pep pep peep peep
He ground himself further down into his seat and tried to ignore the incessant peeping coming from the little chick Jubilee had made him stop the car for half an hour ago.
It must have fallen off a truck or something. Pity he hadn't driven over it.
Peep peeep peep peeep peeep peeep peeep peep peep peeep peeep peep peeep peeep
"AWWWWW. . . Scott. . . .ain't it the cutest little bitty thing you've ever seen."
Jubes rammed the small yellow fluff ball into his face.
Peep peep peeep peeep peep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep
He felt a sudden mental snap coming.
Jean reached out and calmed him telepathically. 'Think of it this way honey. When Marie gets her Easter present tomorrow, which Mutant, who just happens to have a well developed sense of hearing, is going to be stuck in the room next to her?'
A small grin broke out onto Scott's face.
Suddenly. . . all that peeping sounded like a good idea.
IN THE WILD, WOLVERINES EAT CHICKENS
The Easter egg hunt was over. Professor Xavier and the rest of his staff sat together under the shade of the balcony and glowed in the healthiness of it all.
Some holidays where there just for fun and bad eating habits. This was one of them.
Xavier took another bite of his chocolate egg and smiled contentedly.
Jubes suddenly appeared from wherever she had disappeared to. . . holding something behind her back, grinning like a demented woman, "I've got one last present to give out to Marie."
The Professors ears pricked at this, so did Logan's.
"What's that noise Jubes?" Logan asked, looking for all the world as if someone had presented him with a time bomb.
"It's Marie's present." She approached closer to where Marie and Logan were sitting.
"Why is Marie's present making a noise Jubilee?" Logan moved his head as if trying to see behind Jubes back.
Jubes stopped and swayed slightly on her feet, building anticipation.
Scott had a chocolate bunny suspended half way to his mouth. Remy's caramel filled bear was dripping down his trench coat.
"TA DA." Jubes flung out her hands, a small yellow chick cradled between them.
"SQUEAL, " Logan almost jumped at the girly sound emitting from the normally calm Marie's mouth, "It's a itty bitty yellow fluffy chicky."
As if on cue, the rest of the X-men went "AWWWWWWWWW"
Well.
Only half went like that because of the actual chick, which they hadn't seen before.
Scott and the rest of the occupants of the car from the trip, which had originally found the chickie, were 'aww'ing' at its cute little pink bow.
Logan crept closer to eye the yellow ball and sniffed, "You can name her Christmas. . . .as in when your gonna eat her." He grinned.
The silence was broken only by the fowl.
Peep peep peeep peep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeep peeeep peeep peep
Cough "Ahhhh Logan. I'm not gonna eat her. She is my new precious Baby. And you better treat her as such."
Scott burst into peals of laughter as Logan turned a deathly shade of white.
Xavier continued to munch his chocolate egg contemplatively.
IS THIS A ROOSTER BEFORE MY EYES
"So what you going to name her?" Jean asked over her breakfast bagel.
"I'm still thinking of something. . . . If she was a boy I woulda named her Rocky." Marie answered
Logan snorted "Rocky?" Putting down his paper he grinned at Marie, "As in Red bandana sporting, sweating, speech impediment Rocky?" He burst out laughing.
Jean looked at him like he had grown a second head, sent a mental note over to Marie 'He's finally lost it with all that peeping has he?'
Maire sent one back 'ooohhhh yeah.'
"No Logan. Rocky as in the Rooster from 'Chicken run'." Marie corrected him in a prim and proper teaching voice, "And would you mind not swiping all my bacon." She reached out and grabbed the piece of rind back that had somehow landed up on his plate.
He maintained his most innocent expression "I have no idea how that got there."
"Yeah. Sure you don't."
"Anyway, I still think you should name the lunch on legs, Remy." Logan eyed Scott's bacon. Scott moved his closer to him.
"HEY!" Remy cried indignantly, "Remy is no chicken."
"The eyes, bub. . . the eyes. . . Have you seen that chicken's eyes? It's got black on red eyes." He replied, "I'm not calling you a chicken." Stabbing towards Remy's general direction with the fork.
"Remy's eyes red on black. . . not black on red. Besides, " Remy glared at the little chickie that was the cause of his name calling, "Remy tink de name 'Wolverine' more suitable for de Chickie. . . Look at your boot."
"HEY!" Logan got up and tried to send the chicken flying that was attached and very busy 'buffing' his boot.
"MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!" The entire table burst out into laughter as Logan tried to detach the chicken from his shoe.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING. MARIE STOP HIM!" The chickie finally let go and ran Pucking from the room.
"Guess he's finally hit maturity then." Scott snickered into his cup of coffee.
Logan glared at Scott. "Fucking bird is a rooster. I thought you said he was a she."
"You can say fucking again." Scott started to crack up.
Marie sat back in her chair and watched the men start a food fight. "Ya know Jean. I think Wolvie is a good name for him, but I'll just stick to Chickie"
A CHICKEN RUNS THROUGH IT
It was 4 in the morning.
"COCK A DOODLE DOOOOoooooooo"
Logan bolted upright, his claws flashing out and slashing the brand new sheet Marie had just bought him, less 5% at the white sale last week.
"Go to sleep Honey." Marie grumbled sleepily and turned over, her luxurious locks momentarily distracting her lover.
"COCK A DOOODLE DOOOOOOOooooooooooo"
"ARGHHHHHHHH. . . " Logan started to scramble out of the bed, his feet getting all entangled in the shredded sheets before landing uncermounsily with oomph on the floor
"That chicken is going to die." Finally managing to detach himself and stumbling for the bathroom, he threw open the door.
Marie sat up and watched the unfolding drama.
Chickie had taken to sleeping in their bathroom, on top of the towel rail, which was the highest point he could find in their sleeping quarters. Logan had grudgingly given over his towel rack after Marie had pointed out that the next highest point was their bedpost.
Logan yelped and jumped as chickie tore out the bathroom, picked him on the toes, and ran pucking out their room.
Marie sighed and plopped back down into her pillow as Logan ran screaming out after the chickie, hoping he would notice sooner rather than later that he still clad only in nothing.
WHAT CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE CRUMBED COATING?
Jean started distractedly at yet another breakfast bagel, wondering why she actually bothered with eating them, when pyjama clad Marie wandered down into the kitchen, and yawning, sat down next to her.
The coffee pot floated off the counter and landed next to her.
Mumbling something that sounded like thanks, she poured a mug full of the dark steaming liquid and tried to focus on being awake.
Jean in her satin gown stared at the bed hair, bowed head hovering over the coffee cup and decided then that she was glad to be a morning person. . . .then gazed thoughtfully out the kitchen window to appreciate the singing birds.
Logan streaked past.
Jean blinked.
"Marie, where's Logan?"
"Wha?"
"Logan. I'm sure I just saw him tear past the window naked"
"You probably did"
"Ah" Jean got up and walked over to the window hoping he would tear past again.
The coffee started to wrap its happy hyper tendrils of caffeine induced wakieness around Marie's mind, clarifying her thoughts, and helping her function like a normal person again, "He's trying to kill Chickie." She added to help clarify his nakedness.
"Ahha. . . " Jean pressed her nose against the quickly fogging up glass, trying to see more of the mansions gardens. . . .spiky hair flew past the hedgerow which concealed its owner from her view, "Again?" she asked distractedly
"Well, only the second time this week after the incident with the beer." She sipped coffee and wondered why Jean was dribbling hers down the sink.
Jean heard a loud splash from the pool followed by a howl from what she guessed was a very pissed of Logan.
"I think he just fell in the pool." Jean moved away form the window and leaned casual like against the sink, looked in her cup, blinked, looked in the sink behind her wondering where it all went.
"Oh." Marie tried to sound concerned. It was too early to be concerned.
"Can he swim?"
"I don't know"
"Well shouldn't we go and find out?" Jean asked hopefully, weighing up the naked wet Logan with soggy pissed off Logan.
At that precise moment Chickie came running in full tilt to the kitchen, through the little cat flap that was installed for Fluffy, St John's pet hairless cat, and flew up onto his mommy's lap.
Instantly, Marie's coffee was forgotten as she snuggled her pet.
Ordering Jean to fetch some rum and raisin ice cream from the freezer, she smoothed his feathers and smiled a contented smile as Chickie pucked away happily.
A spoon full was soon deposited onto the ground where Chickie hopped down to slurp it up.
Marie's burst of love for her wattled baby was soon disrupted, as the kitchen door was slammed open, and a dripping Logan with a beach towel wrapped around his waist and a large extended pool net in his hand, came prowling in.
"Where. Is. He?" He spat out between growls, clutching his towel closer when he spied Jeans weird looks cast in his direction.
"Who?" Marie batted her eyelashes feigning innocence while shoving Chicke away from his ice cream glop, towards the other exit, with her foot.
The chicken slurped up the last of his ice cream and started for the door.
"HIM!!!" Logan roared and sprang, his eyes glinting and teeth bared, towards the running chicken.
And immediately slipped with all the grace of a sack of flour on the wet tiles.
* * * * *
Professor Xavier was enjoying a brief moment of quiet in his mansion's gardens.
Rolling along the well-tended paved pathways, he spied Ororo kneeling amongst a newly turned bed, patting in some marigold seedlings.
He came to a halt beside her and breathed in the wonderfully fresh air.
"Good morning Ororo. It's a beautiful day isn't it."
"Good Morning Professor," She momentarily broke concentration on the thunderstorm she was generating on the local golf field and sat up to look her mentor in the eye, "It's a most wonderful morning."
"I see your little helper is also up." The professor indicated toward the red wattle that was busy bobbing up and down amongst the petunias.
"Hmmm. . . he's eaten most of the garden's pests. . . a very welcome addition to my gardening routine." 'Ro reached over and patted the chicken's fluffy behind toward the professor, so he would stop trying to dig up last night's 'Scott's meatloaf surprise".
The chicken hopped onto the professor's chair and tried to look regal perched on the armrest.
Unsuccessfully trying to detach the chicken, and eventually giving up when chickie landed on the headrest instead, the Professor bade a good morning to Ororo and wheeled back inside.
Suddenly, for no apparent reason other than to look dramatic, Magneto floated out of the sky and hovered in front of the Professor.
A small scene of chaos immediately took place slightly off to the left of the driveway as the X-men rushed out to do battle with Magneto's brotherhood. Logan's towel fluttered off as he attacked Sabretooth.
Ororo ran off to join the fray, leaving the Professor to deal with Magneto.
Charles Xavier stared passively at his nemesis as Magneto stared back with a puzzled expression.
"Charles, you have a chicken on your chair."
TEN DAYS LATER AFTER THE XMEN BEAT THE *#!@!*$% OUT THE BROTHERHOOD AND MAGNETO BROKE A RIB LAUGHING
Logan walked up to his bedroom and once again peeled off the "This is a Smoke Free Zone" sticker that Bobby had again pasted upon his door.
Little chicken feet tapped out a clawed tempo on the wooden floorboards behind him. . .
Logan roared and spun around to confront his nephimses. "RARRGHHHH"
Chicken stood in his doorway and stared back at him earnestly.
Surprised Logan froze in mid Rargh and blinked.
"Puck," said the chicken.
Logan cocked his head and narrowed his eyes at the chicken that stood before him. "Marie?"
"Puck puck pekerk," replied the chicken.
"She's in Danger?"
"Puckkk"
"My little Marie's stuck in the ravine!" Logan started to panic.
"Puckpuck puck PUCKERK," the chicken panicked back.
"Go boy, go find Marie." Logan shoved the chicken off to find his mommy, while the Wolverine followed
MEANWHILE, IN THE RAVINE. . .
Marie sighed and wiggled her toes, enjoying the secluded spot from the rest of the mansion's residents.
She had discovered this ravine on a walk last week and had finally managed to steal some time away to suntan, finding a way down the almost sheer slope and settling on some warm river rock.
Untying her strap and putting her headphones on, she settled on her tummy and let the warm gentleness of the sun sooth away all her stress.
Slowly closing her eyes, she drifted of into lazy sleep, and so totally didn't see the frantic head bobbing of her teammates as they saw her sprawled body at the bottom of a drop.
"MARIE!!!"
"MARIE. . . . ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"
"MARIE, CAN YOU HEAR US?"
"JUST LAY STILL, HELP IS ON ITS WAY."
"PUCKERK"
AFTER A SUTABLE TIME LAPSE HAS OCCURRED IN WHICH THE TEAM SCRAMBLES ITS WAY DOWN AND JEAN SCRAPES HER KNEE
Chicken perched on the river rock and watched as the X-men dragged their teammate out the terrifying ravine and saved her life.
"BUT I WAS JUST SUNTANNING. . . HONEST!"
"Oh no, looks like we got to her too late Jean; she is already delusional from the fright of the fall."
Rogue wriggled more, trying to get out of the concerned grasp of the team and get her bikini top back on.
Jean slapped on a neck brace and tossed her on a stretcher, which they galloped off with back to the med bay in the mansion. Marie's indignant squeals carried on into the distance.
Logan watched with a worrying gaze, but didn't follow his distraught charge, instead walked up to the chicken and cleared his throat.
"I was wrong about you." He looked around to make sure no one was watching as chickie tilted his head and bobbed his comb in response. " If it wasn't for you, Marie coulda been stuck down there for ages. . . . She might have even. . . " His voice trailed off, the thought of what could have happened to dreadful to mention.
"Puck"
"No. . . Don't try to be modest. . . Well, I just want to say that I'm sorry I tried to cook you last month."
Chickie held his gaze and then hopped off the rock.
Logan didn't try to stop him as he walked off proudly into the stunning pink, orange and slightly reddish sunset with just a hint of cloud wisp.
He knew that chickie had many more adventures ahead, but that didn't stop the tear from rolling down his cheek.
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