Survival
by
Elizabeth Wilde
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. They are all copyright... Marvel and/or Twentieth Century Fox and possibly even other places or people. Point is, not mine. I make no money from this site and I don't have any to give, so there's no point in suing.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Since Scott is the one really going through the emotional crap in all of this that I've created, I figure he deserves his own stories. The song used is "I Will Not Forget You" by Sarah McLachlan.
I will, oh, I will not forget you,
Nor will I ever let you go.
I will, oh, I will not forget you.
The one thing I manage to comfort myself with is that they haven't slept together. As it is, I can feel Jean's every shift in mood during the day, during the night. She's been sleeping alone. Crying herself to sleep sometimes. And I can feel it all. I guess our bond hasn't dissolved despite the fact that we aren't together anymore. It scares me that I know it will eventually fade. I cling to it like a lifeline. I dread losing that last little bit of her. I don't know if I can survive that.
I finally made myself go to breakfast with everyone else yesterday. I smiled at the Professor and sat across from Orroro. She gave me one of those sweet, proud smiles, and I honestly did feel a little better. It's good to have friends when you're trying to hang on to your sanity. I only made the mistake of glancing toward Jean once. She was watching me, her eyes full of so much pain that I couldn't hold the contact. It's somehow worse for me when I think that she's hurting too. Maybe I should be happy that she feels bad about walking away from me, but, in all honesty, I just want her to be happy.
Of course, she is happy a lot of the time. I keep catching the two of them together. I try to avoid the both of them at all costs, but the school isn't big enough to manage it all the time. I saw them sitting outside the other day, his arm around her waist, her head on his shoulder. They were laughing at some shared joke. Feeling sick to my stomach, I had cancelled my last class of the day and gone back to my room to finish the day in quiet darkness.
I'm starting to realize how foolish it is to hold out any hope of ever having her again. Obviously, she's made her choice. And she's more or less satisfied with it. She's fine. She'll get even better. They're falling in love.
And I don't know how I'm going to live through it.
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