Running
by
Elizabeth Wilde



DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. They are all copyright... Marvel and/or Twentieth Century Fox and possibly even other places or people. Point is, not mine. I make no money from this site and I don't have any to give, so there's no point in suing.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I needed a way to up the angst factor, and my dear, country-loving hick friend suggested this song. It's called "When She Wakes Up (And Finds Me Gone)" by Tim McGraw. It's a good song, I swear!



A note of things I should've said
Lays beside her sleeping head
As I turn and make my way off in the night
By the time the morning's breaking
My heart still will be aching
Every time I think of what I've left behind

I stayed in my room most of the day writing the note. I must've gone through a thousand drafts. Every time, it didn't seem like enough. Or it seemed like too much. It's going to hurt her, but I don't want it to hurt too much. I don't want it to hurt her like it hurts me. I can feel my heart breaking with every word.

I have to leave. I can't think of any way to stand being here any longer without her. I know I was the one who said we should be friends, but I need her too much. It kills me to be with her and not hold her. I need to be far enough away that I can't turn back and go home. Where that is, I don't know.

Since I can't just tell her all the things I need to say, I wrote them, pouring my love into a note instead of her eyes. It's probably a cold way to leave her, but anything else would be impossible. I can't look in her eyes and then leave.

I finally finished the note, folded it, wrote her name on the outside. I slipped into her new room quietly. When I saw Logan there, sleeping with his arm around her waist, I knew it wouldn't be as easy as I'd hoped to leave unnoticed, but I put the note beside her head on the pillow and brushed back a strand of her hair anyway. I needed that much if I was never going to see her again.

'Cause I don't want to see me leaving in her eyes
And I can't stand to watch her watch me make her cry
And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong
So I don't want to be here in the morning
When she wakes up and finds me gone

I don't guess he expected me to follow 'im, but I did. He goes into Jean's room in the middle of the night with some note and expects me to just let him go? Uh-uh. Doesn't work that way.

"Where you goin'?"

Scooter looked at me like he'd rather pull out his own toenails than talk to me. "I don't know. I need to leave."

I growled without even thinking about it, and he took a step back. "You know how much this is gonna hurt Jeannie, don't you?"

"Yeah." That's when I noticed that there were tears runnin' down his face. Damned if it wasn't one of the saddest things I ever remember seein'. "Look, Logan, I know. I just can't stay."

Funny thing is, I could understand. I think if I were in his place, I'd do the same thing. Hell, I more or less did the same thing. But I couldn't stay away from her, and I came back. He will too. I tried to soften my tone. "Yeah. Just don't be too long."

He seemed confused for a minute, then nodded. "Okay." And he walked away. It's either the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do or the stupidest. I can't quite decide which.

It hurts to know how much she'll hurt
I've told myself things could be worse
And I've convinced myself she's better off this way
By the time she finds I'm gone
I'll be a long, long way from home
When she reads a note of things I couldn't say
//Jean,

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Having my eyes taped shut for two months and living in fear of myself is nothing compared to how scary it is to live without you, without your love.

I'm leaving the school. I left the Professor a note too. I guess I'm too chicken to tell either of you in person. I don't want to hurt you. I know I am. I'm sorry.

I love you. I will always love you. I don't care how far apart we are or how much we change or whether we even ever see each other again, I'll love you until the day I die. Probably after too. Finding you was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Having you love me was better than I ever could've hoped.

I wish it would have worked, but I do understand, maybe not fully, but enough. I hope that someday you'll forgive me for doing this; there's just no other way.

All my love,
Scott//

Lord I don't want to be here in the morning
When she wakes up and finds me gone



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