Nightmares, Babies, and Sweets, Oh *beep*!
by
Adrea
Disclaimer: If I owned them I'd make the X-Babies into an animated series. Alas, I do not own a thing in this fic, everything is own by Marvel - and or - Fox.
Author's notes: Don't ask where I came up with this . . . it just happened.
The address was memorized, the route was improvised. Which
probably added another two days to the trip, but hey, it was
rather scenic and peaceful, something he happily used to its
every advantage. Glancing a mile up ahead, Logan spotted the sign
he wanted and turned off the highway and onto the exit ramp.
The town was far away from the complex Xavier had spotted, so
he would have to set up base in a hotel room, get some food, and
gas up before heading out.
He pulled into the parking lot of the nearest one and turned
off the motorcycle. He made sure the small trailer he'd gotten a
few days ago was still hitched and secure before heading inside
to get a room.
The hotel was cheap but decent, he knew the chain well and had
never had much problem with it. It sure beat the roach infested,
do-everything-yourself motels he's stayed in before. And with
Xavier's helpful credit card, he could afford anything he well
pleased.
Not like he was one for charity, but it was free money! He may
have been Canadian, but he'd been in America enough to know you never
pass up on free money.
Paying for three days in advance, the little old man behind
the desk swiped the card through and waited for it to approve
before handing the key over to the gruff man. Logan could tell
that he greatly intimidated the old man. Funny thing was, he
wasn't even trying.
Logan wheeled the bike to a parking space close to the room.
He fingered the key into the lock of the small trailer and unlocked
it, grabbing the two duffel bags inside. Slinging the heavy
carriers over one shoulder, he pocketed the keys and took out the
hotel one. He climbed the stairs to the second floor and opened
up the door to his room.
Not bad, not overly nice either. But he'd stayed in far worse
conditions. Wonderful memories of the week he spent in a dumpster
filled his head. Just what I need, he thought as he
careless tossed the bags on the floor. His plan was to grab
something to eat, gas up, then head to the abandoned military
complex. It should take him only around an hour to get there once
that was done.
* * *
With a fully filled stomach and gas tank - the motorcycle,
folks - Logan made his way to the abandoned military complex
Chuck had showed him on that . . . that . . . thingie. I don't what
it was, but it pretty damn cool.
Well, he had to give to Chuck, he was right. It was abandoned.
There was nothing left that would indicate what had been going on
in there when it was being used. It was just an old, dusty, dirty
shell of a compound that had seen some action in some areas. It
looked like the central power generator exploded at some point.
Once he got to what appeared to be either the security
station, or the really big data room, he tried to get the screens
working. Using power from somewhere unknown, the panels were
still lit up and things still worked. One by one, the monitors on
the wall flickered to life.
"The Simpsons?" he said to himself. Great, they
still get cable at least. Where's the remote? Yep, with a little
paint, some curtains, this place could be livable. It had
really surprised him that someone wasn't already.
After fiddling with the controls for a while, Logan determined
there was nothing but cable access television. And right now,
Homer stuffing his face with donuts wasn't very interesting.
Leaving the TVs on to burn themselves out in time, he started to
make his way out of the complex.
Logan made a few twists and turns and lifts and jumps down the
broken corridors until he finally admitted to himself: He was
lost. "Dammit!" His sense of direction was normally so
good, but he must had been so preoccupied with finding something
he didn't pay enough attention on how to get out.
It wasn't long before he found himself in another room full of
monitors and other odd looking devices and equipment. A faint
smell of burnt ozone and smoke tinged his sensitive nose. The
monitors are on, maybe one burned out . . . But all of them
were working.
Then something else hit him. The smell of living beings. He
tensed, ready for an attack, just waiting to pop his claws and
strike.
"OW! Hey . . . who turned out the lighth?" a
high-pitched voice, much like a child's pierced the air.
A giggle followed. "Here, silly," said an even
higher pitched voice.
"Oh! Thankth. What happened? Where are we?"
"Wolvie pressed the button!"
"I did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Now he's got cooooooties!"
"Even if that button did have cooties, I got me a healin'
factor. 'Member?"
"Oh yeah . . . "
Logan couldn't believe. It was a bunch of kids he was hearing.
If it weren't for the fact the nearest signs of any sort of
civilization was back in the city, he wouldn't be too concerned
that there were. But they couldn't have gotten here on their
own. What was worse, one of the kids was called Wolvie and
claimed to have a healing factor.
As quietly as he could, Logan peeked around some of the
equipment. If he was prone to passing out, he would have. Damn if
he didn't want to right there.
What he saw standing there were mini versions of himself and
some of the people he knew. They looked like cute three year
olds, but they certainly didn't talk like them. It was like
Rugrats meets Austin Powers.
"Firtht we had to go into a room titled 'Do Not Enter'!
Then Wolvie had to puth the big thiney, red, blinking button in
the middle of da room that thaid 'Do Not Puth, Cootieth!'!"
The mini-Cyclops whined to the rest of the little ones.
Logan could spot Cyclops, Jean, Rogue, himself, and Storm. But
there were a bunch of others he didn't know.
"We're free of that flubber butt, Mojo, aren't we?"
his Mini-Me replied.
"Dat's right! We be free!" exclaimed a kid he didn't
know.
Mini-Rogue hopped up and down before flying up in
the air. Whoa . . . maybe there are still toxic fumes . . . I've
gotta be halucinating or dreaming or something . . . Grown-up Rogue
can't even fly.
A scream from the girl caught his attention. He looked at her
and realized he'd been found out. She flew over to him and
grabbed him by his collar, flipping him onto the floor with
intense strength.
That's also new . . .
Logan couldn't help but feel like he was in Gulliver's Travels
when the tike patrol gathered around him. Even behind the visor,
Logan could tell Mini-Cyclops was squinting his eyes while
looking at him. "He look'th kinda like you, Wolvie."
"He looks cuuuuuuuute!" Mini-Rogue exclaimed and
happily sat herself down on Logan's chest. A growl came from
Wolvie at this.
Toxic fumes, has to be, he mentally drilled it into
his head that he was dreaming or hallucinating.
The red headed girl giggled. "Nope, we're as real as you
are, sweetie."
Shiiiiiit! This has GOT to be a dream!
Mini-Jean gasped. "You shouldn't swear! Meanie! Shower,
wash his mouth out."
Mini-Storm's blue eyes became the milky white as a small rain
cloud formed over Logan's head. Next thing he knew, rain water
was pouring down on his face. If he wasn't dreaming, he was in
hell.
Rolling so Mini-Rogue would fall of him, Logan got to his feet
and shook the water from his face. "Who are you?"
"We're de X-Babies!" said the one with the red on
black eyes.
"X-Babies?"
A furry blue kid stepped forward. "You see, we come from
Mojo-verse. And alternap dipension. We believe there was a hiccup
in the Space Time Contimooim that caused the X-Men movie to be
shown there. It got very high ratings, so Mojo wanted the X-Men.
But couldn't get them. So a lot of research was put into finding
out more, then ta-da! The X-Babies were born!"
A darker furry blue kid with a tail appeared in front of
Logan's face. Looking up, he could see the kid was hanging on
pipes located in the ceiling by his tail. "And we are the
hottest things in Mojo-verse!" the kid spoke with a faint
German accent.
Mini-Cyclops looked up at Logan. "You wouldn't happened
to have notithed a bunch of Brotherhood of Mutant Bullieth
running around?"
"No . . . "
"Drath." Cyclops pouted, then turned to the others.
"We have to find them! The fate of all the ithe cream and
candy in the world dependth on uth!"
"Yeah!" the mini's chorused.
"Hold it!" Logan yelled, catching the attention of
the mini's. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Mini-Jean and Mini-Storm gasped at his swearing again.
Mini-Cyclops opened his mouth to explain, but just then the pipe
the dark furred one was on came loose and he fell, taking a good
portion of the ceiling with him which happened to land on Logan's
head.
* * *
He woke with an intense throbbing in his head, and Saturday
morning cartoons being blared from a TV. A slight moan escaped
his lips and he opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling a
moment before looking to either side of him.
Logan was back in his hotel room. A sigh of relief escaped his
lips. "It was a dream . . . " He must have laid down or
something and fallen asleep with the TV on and then had a dream.
Something heavy jumped onto his chest. "Waky, waky,
cutie-patootie!"
Logan's eyes flung open in terror and his sight was
overwhelmed with the smiling face of Mini-Rogue, complete with
the white streak in her otherwise auburn hair.
"How . . . ?"
"We got a trucker to carry us an' you back here, sug'. We
found the hotel key in your pocket and got you here. All it took
was giving the guy your bike," Mini-Rogue declared, smiling
at their brilliant plan.
"You gave up my bike?!" Mini-Rogue gave him a sweet
smile that made it damn hard to stay mad at. "Get off
me," he growled.
Mini-Rogue scooted herself off Logan so he could sit up and
stare at all the kids in his hotel room. "I'm Sugah."
As she introduced the gang, she pointed. "That's Cyke,
Wolvie, Phoenix, Shower, Icebaby, Beast, Creepycrawler, and
Gambit."
He felt like he needed a drink. A very strong drink. Instead,
he settled for calling for help. Digging the number out of a
duffel bag, Logan went to the phone in the room. As he picked up
the receiver, he noticed the cord had been pulled from the plug
and couldn't be fixed. He would have swore, but he didn't feel
like getting drenched again by Shower.
Instead, he slammed the receiver down, which caused Sugah to
jump and fall off the bed. The little girl burst into tears.
"Why you *beep*! You're gonna *beepin* regret you ever
*beepin* did that!" Next thing Logan knew, Wolvie had
launched himself onto Logan and popped out his little claws.
"You *beep* will never *beepin* hurt her again, you *beep*
*beep* *beeeeeeeep!"
After wrestling with Wolvie for a few minutes while the other
X-Babies just sat there wishing they had popcorn, Logan succeeded
in throwing down his Mini-Me.
Sugah leaped up and ran over to him. "My
heeeeeeero!" she latched onto Wolvie and smothered him in
kisses that never actually touched him.
"Ewwwww!"
Logan turned to the X-Babies once they all had calmed down,
trying to ignore the lovey stares Sugah was giving him, and the
evil glares Wolvie was giving him. "Look . . . I have to go and
make a phone call . . . You all just stay here, don't leave this
room. You can watch your cartoons . . . " Chuck was never going
to believe him, psychic or not. But there was no way he was going
to be able to deal with this on his own.
So Logan left the room to go to the lobby to call the mansion
for help.
* * *
Logan obviously has never had to really deal with kids before.
Otherwise he would have known never to say what he did. It was
like a challenge for kids to break it.
Ten seconds after he left, Icebaby was pacing the room.
"I'm bored!"
Wolvie jumped down from the bed he had plopped his small frame
on. "Let's go tracking for candy! Maybe we'll find the
Brotherhood of Mutant Bullies while we're at it!"
The X-Babies seemed quite happy with this plan. Except for
one. And as Wolvie opened the door, Cyke put his foot down.
"No!"
All the excited babies froze and looked back at their leader.
"Big Wolvie thaid we thtay here, tho we thtay here."
"What?" Icebaby asked. Sometimes it was just so hard
to understand what their fearful leader was saying.
"We aren't going!" Cyke shouted in response.
"Cyke is right, we shouldn't," Jean stuck up for the
baby she adored.
The rest of them looked at each other, then looked at Cyke and
Jean.
* * *
After convincing the Professor that the team needed to get
there A.S.A.P. because of an emergency, even though Logan
wouldn't say what the emergency was, he hung up the phone and
walked out to go back to his room.
The first thing he noticed outside was a little red haired
girl running after a metal garbage can that was rolling at a fast
speed across the sloped parking lot. The second thing he noticed
was that the little girl was Jean and that someone was screaming
from inside the can, "I think I'm gonna be
thiiiiiiiiiick!"
Logan couldn't help but wince as the can hit the wall of a
building with a loud bang! He ran over to Jean who was
trying to help whoever was inside. He didn't need to get up to it
to realize who after a red beam blasted a hole through the round
can. It took everything Logan had not to laugh at poor Cyke as he
wobbled out of the can.
"What happened? Where are the others?" Logan
demanded.
"Um . . . I don't know . . . they left and put my poor
Snooky-wooky in danger . . . " Jean said as she fussed over
Cyke.
He growled and grabbed the two pint-sized X-Men, trying to
think of where the others could have gone. Somehow he thought of
the candy/ice cream place that he had noticed nearby earlier in
his hunt for food. Half dragging, half carrying the two kids, he
made his way there.
Sure enough, the X-Babies had taken over the place. They were
currently stuffing their faces with ice cream and candy bars and
anything else they could get their hands on while the workers
tried to rally them up and keep them away from the goods.
Shower formed those little rain clouds over the workers and
Icebaby froze a few of them to the floor as Logan entered with
the other two. He let loose a loud growl and the X-Babies paused,
mid-whatever they were doing and stared at him.
His growl was accompanied by a very familiar growl behind him
. It can't be . . . not now! Logan glanced at one of the
mirrors hanging on the ceiling and saw what he feared to be true.
Sabretooth was standing directly behind him.
Logan slowly turned around and faced the huge man, looking up
at him to glare into his eyes. The X-Babies seemed to shrink back
at this figure.
Or maybe not. There was something that sounded a lot like a
battle cry coming from Sugah before Sabretooth was pummeled by
the X-Babies. Every single one of them jumped and latched onto
the big man. Wolvie slashed, Cyke blasted, others did other
things, a few even resorted to tickling him.
It was only a few seconds before the beastly man was down and
there wasn't anything he could do with a whole bunch of kids on
top of him. By then, they had all resorted to tickling. With
heightened senses came extremely ticklish skin. Sabretooth was
howling on the floor with laughter.
But this mind shocking scene was short lived for Logan, as
something jumped onto his back and latched onto his neck.
"Ha!"
Logan swung around, trying to get whoever it was off. Finally
he flipped the small form and a Mini-Toad landing on his butt.
"Owwwww! Owie! Owie! Owie! Misty, he hurt me!" the kid
whined.
"Oh brother! I am surrounded by nincompoops! Am I the
only one with brains!" a blue girl asked.
"I have brains!" another kid said. That kid was
wearing a helmet way too big for his small head.
"No you don't, you have power. You can't even follow
directions unless I point."
"Speedy has
brains," Mini-Toad suggested.
"Speedy thinks he's that rodent from Looney Toones."
As if on cue, a white haired boy ran around the room yelling like
Speedy Gonzolaz. "Plus he's digging into the twinkies."
Icebaby and Beast gasped and jumped off of Sabretooth.
"NOOOOO!!!!" they yelled and went to rescue the
twinkies.
If all Hell hadn't broken loose by then, it did at that
moment. Without as many babies on him, Sabretooth was able to
shake off the others and go after Logan while the X-Babies
clashed with the Mutant Bullies.
"Go, me, go!" Wolvie shouted before having to deal
with Snaggletooth, the Mini-Sabretooth. Snaggletooth threw Wolvie
into a display of Little Debbie. "NO!" Wolvie shouted
as he smushed all the tasty treats. "Why you *beep*! I'm
gonna make you *beepin* *beep* those *beep* with your
*beep!*"
Now, Logan was a man who liked to swear . . . but he had never
swore that much in one actual sentence. But hey, the kid was
starting to grow on him nonetheless.
Babies were
everywhere as Wolverine and Sabretooth battled it out. Until
another baby went flying between them and straight into a support
beam. "Ow . . . ." The little guy got up, adjusting his
helmet so it would fit better. "Total reason to fear! Maggie
is here! Say good-bye to your deliciousus sweets!" he
declared in his most fear installing voice, but as the helmet
fell down over his eyes again, he came off as just so gosh darn
cute.
Maggie raised his hands, intending on freezing Wolverine and
Wolvie. But his powers backfired and Maggie was pulled to the
metal on the freezer doors. "Ack! I'm stuck! My helmet is
stuck!" he wailed and thrashed about.
Despite that the X-Babies were almost double the numbers of
the Bullies, they were getting their asses kicked. So Cyke, their
fearful leader, came up with a plan. "RUN!" he shouted
and the X-Babies made a retreat to the back of the store. Icebaby
and Beast each carrying an armload of twinkies they managed to
save from whoever Speedy was.
"Ha! Now all the ice cream and candy is ours!"
Maggie yelled as Tadpole begun to dig into the goodies.
"Hey . . . save some for me!"
Content that they had won, they all began stuffing their faces
rather like the X-Babies did before the Bullies got there. Except
for Maggie, who was still magnetized to the freezer.
There was a TV back there that went to static for a moment
before something that looked even uglier then Jabba the Hutt came
on the screen. "Oooooh, my BABIES!" it yelled.
"We've missed you so much! Why don't you be good little kids
and come back to daddy?"
Wolvie gave the creature the middle claw. "No way,
Mojo."
"You act like you've got a choice!"
Icebaby turned his back to the screen and mooned the slug.
"Na-na-na-na-na. You gotta kiss me first. Riiiiiiight
here!" he pointed to his bare bottom to further explain and
wiggled his little tushy.
Creepycrawler joined in on the mooning. "Right on my
fuzzy blue keister, Sluggy!"
"Thith ith not aproti . . . atopy . . . Good behavior!"
Cyke said, trying to cover up the bare bottoms.
Tired of fighting, Shower, Tadpole, and Gambit sat down and
started chatting. "So, why did you go into that room?"
Shower asked.
Tadpole shrugged. "Because we hadn't.
Then Snaggletooth had to go and push the perty button."
Gambit nodded. "Yeah, Wolvie did de same t'ing. Now we
here."
Mojo yelled from inside the TV, "Oooooooh! You are coming
back now!"
Because Wolverine was too busy getting his head slammed into
the support pillar, he didn't notice all the X-Babies and Mutant
Bullies being zapped into the TV.
* * *
Logan woke once again to the familiar setting of the school's
infirmary. This time with Professor Xavier staring down at him
instead of Jean. Logan moaned. "Either I just went through
hell, or had the craziest dream."
A small smile formed on the bald man's lips. "I do not
know what happened, Logan. But you and Sabretooth completely
destroyed that store. It was barely able to keep the roof
up."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Chuck . . . " He
was just glad the nightmare was over and he could finally get
back to his old ones.
"I think I would."
Logan looked at him with confusion, until something he never
wanted to see again bounded onto his chest. "Hello again,
cutie-patootie! We're baaaaaaaaaaack!"
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